4chan Friday

One of my new year's resolutions is to visit 4chan more so I can become a better troll. What better way to add to my knowledge than with some 4chan Friday?

Literature, aka /lit/ is a place where people go to read books. Personally, I haven't read any books since I've been out of high school, but I do write. It's hard to believe, but people actually have time read even when they lurk the internet for hours at a time.

/lit/, where the classy trolls abide.
I do enjoy language though. A thread I found here on /lit/ happened to discussing the difference between the phrases "I could care less" and "I couldn't care less." If you could care less, then you're obviously not at the point of least caring; in other words, you have some care. If 4chan can get it right, a normal light dwelling person should be able to.

Animals & Nature, or /an/ might seem scary at first. Oh yes, we all know how much these 4channer like their bestiality. Wrong! (We love it. j/k) Not even channers are bad enough that they could hate animals.  In fact, 4chan even invented the lolcat. Think about that before you say that this site has never done anything good.

Now let me ask you a question. Have you ever seen a spider eat a bird?  Well now you have.
 Think about this and try to sleep tonight.

The Troll Cave: Disclaimer

Warning: Use of this blog may lead to negative to your health or psyche. Symptoms may include, but are not limited to, insomnia, insanity, tendency to flame or troll, bouts of laughing for no apparent reason, addiction to the internet, pornography, anime, anime pornography, attraction to young children, youtube, loud music (and other loud noises) and cancer.

While most information here is completely accurate and taken from primary sources, I do not recommend using this blog as a source for any research papers, reports, or any other work that you will be graded on. You will probably fail. If you happen to use this as a source, get a passing grade, and do not specifically cite “The Troll Man,” I will find you and sodomize you with a piece of corn. That being said, anything you say can and will be used here as a topic for a post.

Yes, this is a shirt I own.

Any similarities between real life people or occurrences and things written about here on my blog may or may not be coincidental. If you happen to notice something that could be incriminating, embarrassing, or used for blackmail or as evidence in a court of law, you actually didn’t see what you saw, and saw something totally unrelated.

It Came from Youtube

The wost part about Christmas and Thanksgiving is the leftovers. I don’t really like Turkey in the first place, but three days later when it’s dry and tasteless from being reheated over and over, you kind of just wish that you would throw it out already. But at least it’s still better than tofurkey. Yes, a tofu turkey. One of the many reasons I will never be a vegan.

If you thought eating a freaking jar of mayonnaise was disgusting this should have made you keel over. Just the thought of not eating meat makes me feel weak in the legs (mostly from the lack of protein) but if you base a whole lifestyle around it, and then take that lifestyle and jam it into a baking dish with pure soy filled evil, I would feel like rushing out into the nearest pasture and mauling alive the closest animal I could find.

But don't worry, the meat crowd pretty much and did that for us, built something out of it, then recorded the results.

Hey, they have potatoes in there. Potatoes are a vegetable, right? I think Whiskey is made out of some sort of grain as well. Pretty balanced meal I would say. I think I should make a tag for my posts now that includes 'meat'...


Every once in a while, I like to give myself a nice bowel cleaning in a bout of pants-shattingly scariness. In the most recent case, that source of scariness would be a game called Amnesia the Dark Decent.

First off, imagine yourself in a big mansion, in the middle of the night. Just from the setting, you already know you're screwed. Next, add in some creepy noises, flickering lights, and oh ya, the fact that you character is slowly going insane, and that the surroundings like to play off of it.

Seems safe enough.

Despite the fact that the room randomly turns sideways, jelly oozes out of the walls, and among the scary noises there are footsteps that may or may not be yours, you are able to complete a few puzzles. Then suddenly, you see something go past the doorway. Hello? Is someone there?

You brush it off, pretending (and hoping) it was just your imagination, but a few passageways later, you open the door and OMFG WHAT IS THAT THING AND WHERE IS ITS FACE RUN RUN RUN OH GOD TURN OUT THE LANTERN GET AWAY I CAN HEAR IT BREATHING LOUDLY AHHHHH.
I thought about playing it in the middle of the night with the lights off, but I figured I would probably wake up my mom because of my screaming. I even just jumped right now writing this because my house creaked. I think that give you a good picture of my constitution.  Anyways, this is pretty scary.  But try it anyways.

How The Troll Stole Christmas

Hello kids, come have a seat on Santa's Lap while I tell you a tale, a tale of much lols, and just as much rage.  Yes, it is the story of how the Troll Stole Christmas.

Now the troll had lived in his cave his entire life, below the streets of the happy town called Fourchan.  Every year, the troll noticed around the same time, the happy folks of Fourchan would stop their newfaggery and hostility towards each other, and celebrate.  Celebrate what, the troll did not know. 

One year, the troll ventured out of his cave to look upon the happy residents of Fourchan, and what he saw amazed him.  Sparkling and glimmering original content was everywhere, completely different than what the troll had seen in times past.  He knew what he had to do, he had to ruin it.  Ruin it all, and for everyone.

Late that night, he snuck out of the cave, supplies in hand, in order to refurbish the town in his own image. When the villagers of Fourchan awoke the next morning, they had some original content of their own to deal with.

In each stocking was put not a present, nor coal, but a large pile of excrement.  Now if you are in prison, a large sock full of human refuse will make very convenient and effective weapon, however waking up Christmas morning to a steaming package hanging from your fireplace does not make for a happy day.  But that was not all the troll had set up.

Upon the first present unwrapping, the villagers found yet another layer of wrapping, then another.  After the last layer, a box, covered in nothing but duct tape was discovered.  After using all of their might to open it, yet another box was found nesting inside.

The troll had one last trick up his sleeve.  Open cooking their Christmas dinners, the villagers stumbled upon the final surprise.  The turkeys were all made out of soy.  As the troll laughed away in his cave deep below the town, he started to hear the villagers chanting.  It was low at first, but kept growing until it reached immense proportions.  The troll had head it before, its pleasant sound meeting his ears: "FUUUUUUUUUUUUU."

And that, my little ones, is the story of how the troll ruined Christmas for everyone.  Now before you go, I must let you in on a little secret your parents might not have let you in on: SANTA ISN'T REAL. But here's something that is sure to cheer you up!

And a happy new year!

4chan Friday

It's Christmas tomorrow, so as a Christmas present to you all, I will write a post with completely accurate information and absolutely no sarcasm. Haha, just kidding, screw that.

Instead of doing a specific forum tonight, I thought I would look at what some of them are doing for Christmas.

/a/ has been preparing for a while now... like since last year.

Yes, almost every time I got on /a/, I came across this on one page or another. Well guess what bitches, it's Christmas, so it's time to get something new. And don't say until Christmas 2011.

/co/, or Comics and Cartoons, pulled out pretty much every cartoon Christmas special ever. Nostalgia, man. Then there was a bunch of "where was this when I was a kid."
Seriously man, Christmas with Kiss
I hopped on /ck/ to see if there were any good recipes going on, but what I found was a bunch of poor people living alone making frozen pizzas and canned beans for themselves.  I'm not sure whether to feel ashamed or proud.

International /int/ actually had a good thread listing different ways to say Merry Christmas (or something similar) in various languages.  In Japanese it listed "Shinnen Omedeto" which actually means happy new year.  As a fun fact, in Japan, Christmas is more of a casual holiday for parties and friends, and New Year's is a family occasion- it's just the opposite here in the states.

To round out my night (like I usually do) I headed over to /b/, which had it's own set of Christmas hats, accompanied by a really horrible song playing in the background.  I thought of going through and looking for other small hints of Christmas like this, but once I opened another tab and the song started playing on that one as well, over and over off sync, I kind of gave up.


I recently downloaded some new music, some of which included the band “The Bravery,” which has quickly became one of my new favorite bands. First off, it has one of the best names ever. I’m pretty sure their mascot should be courage wolf. One of my favorite songs by them has an equally awesome name, Hatefuck.

If you examine the meaning of the name and the lyrics, they form a very interesting topic. If you don’t get it, take a look at this graph. The top left holds the key.

The Island of Awesome. Yes, the point where you can entwine genitalia with your worst enemy is apparently the greatest form of awesome ever, assuming they are of the opposite sex. No feelings (besides undying rage) involved, just get in there, have your fun, then get the hell out, like you just pulled the pin on a hand grenade, then blew your load all over it. Now this could never happen, right?

Imagine that bitchy girl in high school, who ended up going to community college with you because she focused more on her makeup then her homework. She just broke up with her boyfriend, and since you just got a really good haircut, and actually shaved and took a shower that morning, you’re looking pretty good. Ever since that time in chemistry where she caught you looking at her butt you both have hated each other, but at that moment, she thinks “I could go for it.” She confronts you after class, and you end up going out to her car… I’ll let you fill in the rest.

Anyways, you get the point. While I'm posting graphs, let me introduce my new blog which just went underway; Diagram This. I figured since I had time during the winter break, I would set up another just for the luls. Follow and support!

It Came From YouTube Home Video Editon

Tonight's "It Came From YouTube" is something special, since it just so happens that the videos I have in store were all filmed and uploaded by a friend.

Since it’s now vacation and I can stay up late and post almost every night, I thought I would do something on late night stuff for whatever reason. Actually, there is a reason. I posted this video earlier this week on the sleep deprivation post, but I hadn’t watched it the longest time, and even avoided watching it before I added it there, but I got bored so I ended up watching it, and I think I need to make some commentary on it.

Part two as well, for the people who want to see us finish the monstrosity.

First off, I'm gonna brag and say I’m pretty impressed at how well I make wisecracks even after much sleep deprivation. And I don’t remember me saying any of them. I don’t know if this is because it was just so long ago, or if it was because it was 5 am. But I want to point out a few ones.

“Look, great recipe ideas”
“I don’t think eating it raw counts as a great recipe idea”
Seriously. Don't try it.

“Sal, you’re a beast.”
Seriously, he is. If you were there, you could have seen these massive spoon-fulls of mayo this guy was taking.

“A lot of things change their identities when it’s 5 in the morning”
This is partially incredible philosophy, partially me losing it.

“4chan here we come.”
Well, it ended up here, so it’s close enough.

“This is what we do when we’re not eating mayonnaise.”
This doesn’t need a lot of explaining outside of the game. My friend actually held the time record for beating Ratchet and Clank 2 for a while. That’s originally what the party was for…

For the record, I didn’t hurl, it laughed really hard because of the slurping sound, and ended up spraying mayo mist into my hand. I rushed to the bathroom to rinse off.

Our cameraman was pretty shy, and too afraid to eat any. But he got his own video too, aka the pop tart video which everyone keeps referencing.

But of course, that’s not the only reference. They tried to shove me into the garage with a broom at the end of the whole thing, but failed. Earlier, however, it was successful.

Those Cheetos were stale, and the garage was cold and dark...

Oh S$%t

Ever have one of those Oh Shit moments? You know when it happens, cause there are very few other words which describe it accurately. Times like when your mom catches you whacking to porn, or there is a test and you forgot to bring a pencil (or test sheet, or notes, or forgot to study, or a combination of the above).

There are two types of Oh Shit moments. One is kind of like "Oh Shit (Can't leave that out), I just messed something up bad, and I really doubt I can fix it before anyone notices and/or before something blows up at which point they would notice."

The second type is "Oh Shit, I can see my life passing before my eyes, I feel like I am going to die, like seriously guys."
Something like this happened to me once [not in a plane of course].  It was already on one of the most enjoyable and safe places in the world, a one lane highway.   The guy driving in front of me just happened to carrying a mattress on the top of his car, and if you don't know, when you're going 60mph, stuff that isn't tied down tends to want to fly off.  I just happen to be behind him when it decides to do this, and suddenly I've got a huge pink projectile of death flying towards me.  I yelled "Oh Shit," which alerted my friends who were talking in the back seat to our impending doom.  However, my my Mario Kart skills kicked in in the last second, and I was able to swerve around it and make it out alive.

Bad Stuff Happens After 5 a.m.

So I'm currently recovering from an all night party, and since I'm not in my zombie mode at the moment, I think I will be able to make a legible post about it.

Pre- 2 am is when most people are still awake. You can make as much noise as you want, and you probably won't disturb anybody (outside of your neighbors who might be actually trying to sleep). If you go to sleep before two, you should probably call up your parents to take you before so.

2 am is when the real action gets started. You should probably turn off Rockband since this is the time when the lighweights start to go to sleep, and the chances of your neighbors calling the cops increases. Yes, I said Rockband. What, you assume I go to real parties?

2 am is also the perfect time for a Late Night Run, to pick up massive amounts of caffeine and sugar to carry you through the night.  Although I prefer Bawls and Monster instead of Mountain Dew.

Around 3am is when you choose whether or not to go the whole night.  This is when I usually go to bed when I'm alone on the weekends and stuff, but during a party it's only the beginning.  Except for the people who choose not to stay up.  They get colored on by sharpies and duct-taped to walls.

Four is when the gigglies start to set in.  You know, when any bodily noise or word over three syllables  becomes the most hilarious thing ever.  Lycopene.  After one person gets the gigglies, it starts a chain reaction until someone passes out, which restarts the whole cycle.  I would advise taking any caffeinated substances now.

The longest hour of the night is 5 am.  This is when the bad things happen.  Bad things such as passing around a jar of Mayonnaise to see who can take the biggest spoonful without hurling.

Yes, this is me and my group of friends at a party a while ago actually trying this. I'm the one in the far left. Ignore what I look like, it's 5am.

Depending on how many stimulants are in your system, somewhere in the 6 to 7 range is when you first start to feel sleep trying to take over. You will also probably stop making any sense and be more likely to touch people inappropriately.   However if you are able to fight it until the sun comes up, you will be in the home stretch.  After all, you can't go to sleep when it's light out.

The rest of the day involves switching on and off between being awake and being a zombie. The biggest challenge is trying to keep yourself from accidentally getting set up in a comfortable position- be it on the floor, in a chair, or at the dinner table- and just dozing off while being in the middle of doing something important.  Then at the end of the day, you can finally get your well deserved rest.  Or prepare for another sleepless night, which is where I'm going.

4chan Friday

Well channers, it's that time of the week again. They day I stop luring the same old, same old, and go off to explore the unexplored. Yes, it's 4chan Friday.

Some of these 'unexplored' boards stay this way for a reason. Why?  I really don't want to see what's in there. But since it's inevitable, I'm going to get some of them out of the way. Tonight's taste of the unknown comes from /cm/ and /fa/.

/cm/ stands for cute male. I like anime cute styles and stuff, but only to a point. Something like "she has really bit cute eyes" or "that's a cute pair of panties that she's wearing" (insert pedobear pic here). What I can't understand is that this forum is more aimed at girls, which makes no sense, because there's obviously no girls on the internet... Anyways, this isn't too bad, I found a thread on Daft Punk.

 I'm really not sure what to think about this, but I'll let it pass just because of the fact that it's Daft Punk.

/fa/ stands for fashion, and it's totallllllly like, fabulous.  It makes me remember the time I bought a plain white shirt for $10, just because I liked it (and because it was a V-neck.)  Then I put an iron-on Gurren Lagann emblem on it.  It's still pretty awesome though.  But forget that.  Look at this guy!
He's pretty fashionable in my opinion.  Just look at those suspender, they perfectly match his pants.  Once I become a hipster next semester, I'm probably going to come here more to check out what everyone is wearing, so I can go to the thrift store and choose the exact opposite.


Advertisements pose a lot of interesting questions. Is your hair lifeless and brittle? Do you have overdue credit card payments? Do you suffer from uncomfortable feminine itch? How can you possibly live without [insert insanely overpriced item here]? If you are like me, and tend to look at these advertisements and think, 'Hey, maybe I do, and of course how could I go without that.' you should probably stay away from TV. Everything just seems so enticing! It's like everything is made to help you realize you have problems, and that with their help you can fix them. Then there's stuff just created to give you visual orgasms. Look at this movie OMG EXPLOSIONSSSSSSSS! EXPLOSIONS AND SEX!! AND THEN SOME NINJAS! (The real movie is never as good.)

Even though I don't watch TV, I still get exposed to various advertisements on the internet. Spam email has some of the best selling points in my opinion. It's so hard deciding whether I would want bigger breasts or a larger penis. I mean, I can't choose both, that would just be weird. Of course the free palm reading I have as well won't help me choose, but I can count on the credit card offer to pay for whatever I finally decide on. After all of the operations, I can even go on the dating sites to show off. Now if you'll excuse me, some Nigerian prince needs my help with his finances.

It Came from Youtube

If you never watched "Invader Zim" as a child, you probably missed out on a large chunk of other demented television programming that probably irreversibly effed-up your childhood. But then again if that were the case, you probably wouldn't be reading this blog.

Considering that the humor between Invader Zim and one of this season's animes, Panty and Stocking, are very similar, you would also notice how Gir, the mentally retarded robot in a dog suit, and Chuck, the mentally retarded punching bag/ragdoll, are pretty much the same exact character. Too bad he doesn't make waffles.

Speaking of dirty humor, there is some you can just see coming (see wut I did there)? Then there's some you can't. This falls into the category of "Why would you do that???"

Ok, I know Konata is an Otaku, but I think a perv is stretching it. Oh well, you never know.

Face It

So I'm gonna be doing something a little different with my post tonight.  Normally, I would write a post with my fingers (I hunt and peck for your information. I'm probably the fastest hunter and pecker on the planet. Don't look at me like that.) Anyways, I've decided to write tonight's post with my face.  Except for this part.  I'm really not that dexterous.  Let's see how it turns out.

dfc  defvb u b  , rf sxdwcefrvg yhgt,k  6fcvdercv xbbbbbdecrswxanfr ghj uhykgtrrf edws vcywe3dh ,,yuhj7 gtdferderfgh by6tuyytghtgy6hujgtbh hnty,gt nbcxjui8kolpi9ju8 mn, guyhj7 ujikhgfdergthyl;ophg vfy6gth ujiklokp.;[ gtyhbkilohnjnm, mnjk,hhhhhhu8ikolp; kt r5fy6ghu

I totally accidentally captured, uploaded and captioned this with my face too.
I suggest you try something similar in the comment section.  I would probably be just as good as the stuff you find anywhere, especially youtube.

A Challenger Appears

It seems an adversary facing Troll science has come forward; Christian Science.

First off, troll science has already proven that jumping into the air on a moving object makes for your instant death.  I don't know if these creation scientists have ever ridden a train or anything, but it moves pretty fast.  You can even see so, just by looking out the window.  Can you do that with the Earth?

I know troll scientists believe in gravity (even though magnetic force is way better).  Christ-ists seem to think differently though.

 This can be disproved very simply. Get a balloon and inflate it as big as possible. It will be a spherical shape. Now, take a piece of paper and try to rip, tear, or cut the tiniest speck of paper possible. This paper represents a human being, much smaller in mass to the balloon, which represents the Earth. Now try and place the small piece of paper to the underside of the balloon. What happens? It falls off!

That's right. Even though the balloon is so much bigger in mass, it cannot hold the tiny paper. So if the Earth was a sphere, no one could live below the equator because they would fall off.
The balloon obviously can't hold a piece of paper cause it isn't a perfect sphere like the earth.  Also, what they are calling "mass" is actually surface area.  A balloon is hollow, you sillies!

I'm a fan of fiction and all, but the Bible really gets me.  The "God" character really seems overused, and overall is kind of unbelievable.  I mean, he is so totally bi-polar, switching between creating them then deciding to kill them all.  Then he sends his son down to save everyone.  Guess what, they end up killing him.  Even without his ability to save lives and shit, being able to make water into wine would still be a pretty good reason to keep him around.  "Hey Jesus, do that thing again, you know with the water."

On a serious note, that forum makes me rage so hard.  I can't believe there are people out there who hold their religion so close that they won't accept anything else, even real proven scientific facts. 

4chan Friday

Yay I'm not sick anymore just thought you should know that OK no more rambling here's the post. *Deep Breath*

I don't really have a theme tonight, but I do have /tr/ and /mu/, imagine that.

Yes, /tr/ stands for Team Rocket.  Fuckers be taking over my pokemans.  And what great pokemans they are.  I have this one, and his name is mudkip, and everyone seems to like him for some reason.  Well, it's probably because he says "mud" and "kip" all the time.  You guys must be jealous that you can't catch a pokeman as good as Mudkip.
It's obvious that this child is overjoyed to have a such a huge Mudkip show up at his door.  It can be yours too, for just several thousand hours of grinding, shuffling through the long grass back and forth until your power level allows you to fight and capture this epic pokeman.  Now go out and get one for yourself!

/mu/ stands for music.   I like music.  I just downloaded a bunch of Beatles today for great justice.  I like the songs where they're on drugs.  Some people probably think I'm on drugs while I'm writing posts like this, but I'm really just in my experimental stage, just as the Beatles were in their last stage of composing.  Speaking of composing, I wrote a song kind of.

Ok so first the bass would come in an be all like “bwo bwo bwo bwo bwo” then the rhythm guitar would have this low riff and be all “mahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh chika chicka chicka chicka” then the main guitar would have this awesome thing (still deciding between a variation of "Smoke on the Water" or "Crazy Train," but it's going to be awesome either way). Then, get this.  Didgeridoo solo.  How totally bad-ass would that be?  That's as far as I've gotten, but I'll be sure to keep you guys updated.  Oh ya, /mu/-- It's about music and stuff.  Rock on.

This is Why we can't Have Nice Things

I've come to realize that anything you ever attempt to should be done half-assed. This is nice reasoning to slack off, but there is a real reason behind it.  This is because there will always be someone there to come by and fuck it up later. It's just like what happened when you were a kid- there you were, carefully creating your magnificent mound of sand, when suddenly, it gets destroyed. Now if this were by a wave, there would be no helping it. But it wasn't destroyed by a wave. It was him...

It was that neighbor kid who decided to come to the beach the same day as you.  The same kid who "accidentally" spilled juice on you, and pulled your hair.  Everything is ruined, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Don't even think about trying to help people.  As soon as they have a stepping stone up to your level, they will use it to reach for the following one above, to abuse a power they have no business using.  You get too close to the sun and you get a really, really bad sun burn, and they don't have any aloe vera this time.  Once again, everything you ever knew and loved is ruined, and even though you are the real cause, you can blame the other guys.  At that point, you can just stick it back in their face, and leave them to sulk for the rest of time for their complete ruination of everything- this is why we can't have nice things.

It Came from Youtube


I think the main difference between a dickhead hipster and a douche is that hipsters don't really mean it, people just get jealous of how awesome and trendy they are. For that reason, I think I'm going to become one for my last semester of college. I am probably going to Humboldt State up here in Cali after all, which is kind of considered a well.. stoner school. I wouldn't want to stick out like a sore thumb.

While I don't wear leggings, and I actually have really crappy vision, as well as the fact that I do for the most part listen to mainstream music, I think I could pull it off. I mean, I already have a blog and I'm pretty much a nerd for most intents and purposes. All I have to do is go to the local thrift store and let my hair grow out. I guess I could also work on my part French part Brit accent.

Just to round off this post, here's a weird piece of video from Japan.

Pero pero pero pero pero pero pero pero pero pero pero pero pero.
That is all.

Scenery Pron

I'm always browsing /w/ and /wg/ on the lookout for shiny stuff that I can use to plaster on my screens, and there's rarely a shortage.

Nice and big for big resolution.  Some of them are big enough they might even work for dual screens.

Troll University

I was going through registering for my classes next semester, and I though about how they need to make a school for people like me- internet college. 

Sure, learning stuff like I.T. may help in real life applications, but who teaches the ignorant masses how to stay away from viruses, how to keep from feeding trolls, or even how to troll for themselves?  Ladies and Mentlegen, I bring you Troll University.

One of the most important classes would be troll science. Once our resident engineers gain enough experience, we could power the entire school, or even the entire world.  Of course, there would have to be chapter on Fucking magnets and how they work, as well as the difference between miracles and magic.

One class that I saw in the catalog here could actually be taught at T.U.- Native Plant Identification.  Why?  Because it's important shit!

Grass is native right?
I've totally got the faculty worked out too.  Music would be taught by Hipster Kitty, however I think the students would get some biased opinions.  The Courage and Insanity wolfs would probably be awesome P.E. coaches.  Try to slack off now- especially you fatty, go run another lap.  In order to counter this, you could probably have advice dog as a counselor...
Except for college.  You have to pay to fail here.

Just to round it out, Joseph Ducreux can teach English.

4chan Friday

Okay listen up you wanna-be channers, today is motivation day.  As in, I had to motivate myself into writing this post even though I feel like shit, so I'm gonna motivate you guys too with a little /fit/ and /s/.

/fit/ stands for, you guessed it, Health and Fitness.  I know you fat-asses out there know noting of either, but 4chan is here to possibly help you out.  While half of the people here are people looking for advice (on the internet, no less), on the other side of the spectrum there are slightly less chunky people who give out bad or biased information.

We will turn you from this...
...to this.
Yes, you're going to turned into a freaking dog.  Or you will be stuck doing sit-ups for the rest of eternity, fatty.

Nothing motivates better than boobs.  It's a fact.  For that reason, /s/, or "Sexy Beautiful Women," is the perfect board to cure things such laziness, erectile dysfunction, cancer, and aids (but may actually increase the chance of herpes).  Unfortunately, in order to keep this blog out of the nsfw zone, I can't post just any regular picture.  However, one caught my eye, which is kind of relevant to the board itself. 
Yes, Emma Watson.  Everyone called me a freak when I said "she's gonna be hot one day."  Now look at her (pre- unfortunate haircut). Who's the creepy pervert now? Oh ya, that's still probably me. ..

Well my head is currently spinning, and I feel like I'm going to pass out, but if the motivation worked for you, at least I did something.  Now go out there and do some push ups over your favorite playboy.

The Internet Versus Reality

I tend to classify myself as a “normal person” for the most part. Whether this is true or not is debatable, but telling myself so helps keep my sanity. From other people's points of view, I guess I could be considered weird- not everybody watches anime, plays video games, or sits on the internet for gross amount of hours at a time. Even less people actually write a blog about it...

Telling people about my blog is potentially dangerous. Generally the safest thing to say when they ask about 'The Troll Cave' is that it's about “Internet Culture.” But if they ask for a link, it's kind of inevitable that they will know my deep secret; I'm a nerd (deal with it).

On the internet, you can really get away with anything and not care about what people think. Nobody cares that you're a nerd, because most likely, they are too. Anyone can go off spouting profanity and trolling everywhere, because as long as they don't know where you live, they will never be able to find you and do the horrible things to your mother as they promised. However, if I go around in real life saying stuff like “Ya, well fuck you!” I would probably end up getting some funny looks, or end up in a dumpster dead somewhere.

I tend to stay away from Facebook for various reasons. Sure those “cool people” from high school probably could care less about me, especially now, but if they unfriended me for posting weird shit, how would I go about stalking them and viewing their pictures? That's the only reason I allowed them to add me in the first place. (For anyone who actually is my friend on FB, I'm not a creeper, I swear.)

My Japanese class is kind of a safe haven; just because the fact that it is a Japanese class at a community college. Everyone has some nerd genes in them, or else they wouldn't be taking it. Seriously, you wouldn't need to learn Japanese if you didn't watch at least some anime or read manga. It's just to how deep these genes run- sometimes it can be surprising. 

I guess it could be worse. Normal people could recognize me for who I actually am. Until someone actually get to know me and gets inside my head (like the government does) I will still seem approachable. But that's why I keep most people at an arm's reach, especially when Facebook is involved.

It's like my girlfriend says (yes, I have a girlfriend, fuckin' miracles man) “I've never met another person like you. They must not get out much.”  Thus is the story of my life.

The Return of the AMV's

You know, I said I was going to quit, but I just couldn't the resist the draw of songs and series just asking to be paired up.  With that in mind, I made this one.

Ookami-san came out last season, and it was one of the better ones. Since the whole thing is pretty much a spoof of every fairy tale ever, and the Paramore song pretty much goes along with the same idea, I though they would go great together. I even got the raw-unsubbed 720p version to make it look even better. This was my only truly 720p video I've made so far, and it kind of raped my computer, so I couldn't do as much as I would have liked. I still think it turned out good though.

Ryoko's Neko-neko knuckles are pretty awesome and all, but I still think that Lobster Rage Fists beat them.

But that's something for a different time, because I still have one more AMV.

It's been a while since I made an amv true to the original EVA series since the second movie came out. This was was fun for me, I like to call it "fun with transitions," just because of all the short one-liners that I had to edit around.

I don't really make this x that videos, but I don't think I can get away with calling this anything other than a Shinji x Asuka tribute. Enjoy!

Six Months

So it's been six months now since I started this blog, and it's still going strong.  I'd like to thank all of my readers and supporters for being awesome and leaving good comments (sometimes), and for getting me almost 3,000 views this month.  I am constantly thinking up fun new things to post, but this has made me realize one thing- I'm probably not a very good troll.  You know, I'm fine with going through life being mediocre, but I feel like a reaction to one of my antics would be something like this:

I even got called "the lovable troll" once.  You know what, fuck you guys. No more Mr. Nice Troll.  From now on I'm gonna quit being a lurker and get out there and make some people rage.  I've even been practicing.
So many homophobes on teh interwebs...
Apart from that, I will keep bring you funny videos, stories from around the internet, and more bad commentary on stuff. In the mean time, keep on trollin'

This week's "It Came from Youtube" will be pushed back to tomorrow, but be ready something special!


Advice on the internet is kind of like going to a whore house to find a wife.  What you get won't be what you had in mind.  The best approach I feel is to just practice complete reverse psychology. 

4chan has an advice board, but I think they should rename it "how to end up dead and/or screwed."  Asking for input on any other board is just as bad.
I wouldn't risk any form of information or fate of personal belongings on anyone from the internet.  That includes so-called "technicians"  who get paid to fix stuff.  No, the problem is with the internet, restarting my computer will do nothing.  While we're on the topic of things doing nothing, let's talk about something that will do something.  Something bad.

I know somewhere on 4chan there probably is someone who will give you a strait answer.  But they will usually get caught up between the trolls.
Deleting your windows 32 folder will speed up your computer.
(Or completely destroy your computer, results may vary. Except not. It’s almost positive that it will be the latter.  You're welcome to try it though.)


What are you doing people?  Why are you reading this blog?  You are at work.  You should be doing work.  Your boss will catch you!

Maybe after you get off work you can go outside.  Outside is cool.  Especially at night, when you can look at the moon...
Forget it.  But you still could be doing other stuff besides looking at this blog.  You could be looking at porn instead!  Come on!
And it's all gone...  You know what, just go back to reading this blog. See if I care.

4chan (Black) Friday

Since it's the day after Thanksgiving, aka Black Friday, I though I'd go along with it.  Tonight for you, I have /g/ and /ck/- I'll explain why these are related.

/g/ stands for Technology.  Black Friday is all about driving around in traffic then pushing through hordes of people to try to get the best deals possible.  I decided to not go out today, but if I did, I would be to Best Buy to ogle the great deals (but not be able to buy any).  Instead, I looked up /g/ to see what deals there were out there.  No deals really caught my eye, but I though this was cool.

Wall computer is watching you fap.
I guess you don't need to worry about ventilation if your system is open air.  The rest of /g/ is people trying to figure out how to build computers or unbreak their old ones.

/ck/ stands for Food & Cooking.  Contrary to popular belief, it does not stand for "cock."  Since the day before Black Friday always is Thanksgiving (unless you're Canadian, eh) people always have ton of leftovers that don't look anywhere as close to as good as they did they day before.  On top of that, your relatives are probably also gone and you won't have anyone to help you dispose of your dry turkey.  But fear not!  /ck/ is there to help you create something out of your pile of food.  Or laugh at you for asking why your mashed potatoes were lumpy.  But of corse this is just for the holidays.  If you want to read more about /ck/, I wrote a longer post about it a while back.

The Curse of the Back Seat

Any anime that has a classroom setting probably has this. What is it? You probably wouldn't notice it unless someone brought it up. Let's take a look at some pictures, then find out what they all have in common.

Seitokai Yakuindomo

A Certain Magical Index


Code Geass

Kimi ni Todoke
Yes, the main characters are all sitting in the exact same spot.  Some other anime characters that share this spot would include Light in Death Note, Rei in Evangelion, Kyon and Haruhi in The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumya... well you get the point. 

The significance of this spot?  Well in Death Note, Light is able to notice the book outside the window from that position.  But other than that, I don't know if there is a specific reason.  I think they're there so they can have plot defining monologues, or just to look out the window dreamily while the narrator reiterates said plot.  Or maybe it's just so they can eat and sleep unnoticed by the teacher.

It Came fom Youtube

Before I get into tonight videos, I'd like to tell you a story. Tonight, I mad the most amazing chili dogs ever and they were delicious. That is all. But on a similar note, here's a giant corn dog of doom.

I'm surprised myself that I've never seen this on /ck/ anywhere. It already meets their standards by having both bacon and a deep fried component.

And if a Girl eating a giant corndog isn't enough, here's one of a guy blowing up a massive balloon that looks like a boob.

Did I mention it takes 10 minutes for him to get it most of the way filled up? Feel free to skip through the majority of him huffing and puffing like a smoker with asthma, to get right to the good part of him mounting and humping it. Oh Boy!

Captcha, Episode 4: The Prequel

Just to clear things up, this isn't actually a prequel, but I just figured since it's the fourth installment that I would make it one, kind of like star wars...

You know, the Capcha is to make sure that you're a human or not. After some of these, I'm beginning to doubt my own humanity...

Equathon: it's like an equation, but in 17 parts.  Did I mention I hate math?
Just because I hate it doesn't mean I don't recognize made up numbers.  How many thousands go into a betzely again?
Haha, if you tried to type in a B, you would be wrong!  It's actually an eszett

It's like the American Flag!  I think I'll try 'merca'.

Looks like the encoder is very relentless with his attempts to stop me from postin- oh shiiiiii--
Fear not, I can save us!
That will show you, encoder.  And just for the lulz:
Do trolls even drink wine?  I don't...