4chan Friday

To /b/ or not to /b/.  That is the question.  Well, obviously the answer is to /b/. 

That's right, 4chan Friday has reached it's climax.  The Random Board.  And just because I love (or hate, depending on how you look at it) you guys, I made a video.

Just so you know, trying to censor out all of the random penises and naked pictures on /b/ without motion tracking is really annoying.

As I said in the video, /b/ is far from the only worth-while board on 4chan. Unlike the old days, it's hard to find stuff that isn't copypasta and general newfaggery. It's more for shock value and to call other people fags. It's basically the condensed version of the internet.

And now you know everything you will ever need (or want) to know about 4chan. Now go out and troll some people, you faggots :D.

Breakfast of Champions

Power. Energy. Sugar and Caffiene Buzz.
Which one of these do not belong?

You can probably tell by the Epic Drink Time I did that I like energy drinks, but there's limits. One of these limits is noon.  A Monster plus whatever else you can get out of a vending machine does not equal a good breakfast.  Especially right before weight training.  I'm no expert on nutrition (or even weight training) but I can figure out when I'm about to collapse while running on the treadmill.  And not just because I'm a lazy fat-ass who is allergic to working out.

I normally skip my morning shower before going to weight training, because I'm going to get sweaty and have to take one after anyways.  So why not wait until after to eat as well?  Sure, it's only been 10 hours since my last meal, who cares about metabolism anyways?

"My arms felt tired there for a second.  I'll just take a break and re-energize with this 16 serving bull sweat concoction complete with glucose, fructose, sucrose, and all the other 'oses' you can jam into 16 servings!"  I'm sorry, but that doesn't work.  The increased heart rate from jogging on the treadmill combined with the increased heart rate from your caffeine IV will probably kill you.  Combined with something like a doughnut and having your heart trying to pump the globs of fat through your swollen veins is probably bad.  But Like I said, just a regular old non-expert here.

Large piece of fried dough> cardiac muscles.
So I guess if you're not headed to a workout, Doritos and a Rockstar will cut it.  At least if you want to stay awake for that class then crash later.

It Came from Youtube


And now for more making fun of Justin Bieber.

Beethoven has a pretty awesome voice.

Yes, Mondays suck.

Happy Zombie Jesus Day!

One day, there was a man named Jesus.  He died.  Three days later, he rose from the dead... and he wanted brains.  Because the consumption of brains nowadays is looked down upon, we hand out nasty boiled eggs-- which kind of have the same texture and probably flavor-- to all the little children.

Unfortunately, Jesus and the Easter Bunny couldn't show up today (they were too busy being IMAGINARY) so you've got me, The Troll Man. 

Don't forget Easter bear!
As a kid, I remember foraging for eggs in my backyard.  My dad would always hide the green ones in the grass, jerk.  After that I would gorge myself on stupid amounts of choc... oh ya, my parents didn't let me have chocolate as a kid saying I was "allergic to it."  I got shitty carob (which tastes like crap)  and jellybeans.  Not even the good ones either, the ones that will make you barf because of all the food coloring.   Why is this even a holiday, anyways?  Oh ya...

Just to make sure that the kids nowadays can have just a shitty of a childhood as you did, you can do something like this:
 Mission Accomplished.  Enjoy your yolk, brats.


As I finish up my last semester of schooling here before I go off to a four year college, I have realized one thing about community college:  It's just like an anime.

Nobody takes a community college seriously.  It's like I'm living in my own little slice of life comedy, minus the comedy part.  And probably a smaller slice since I'm here in the cave most of the time anyways.  But there are some connections made nevertheless:

Sometimes the teachers are younger than the students. 

No, unlike Pani Poni Dash, we don't have any 10-year-old geniuses who graduated MIT teaching us.  It's almost the opposite, with the teachers professors having only a degree just above what we would be getting once we complete the class.  Why am I not the one teaching this class?  On top of that, there's always the old geezers trying to take a class for the "fun of it," then asking questions well into the passing period.

There are also those "people."  You know those people.  Those people that fall into their own group.  Usually, this group includes themselves only.  In anime, they're usually the main character, usually not in class because they are out engaged in card battles l or something.  Or they could be the character that runs around and randomly bursts into song.  In anime, these people are normal.  In Community College, these are "those people."

In the cafeteria during lunch, I can already pick out these people easily, especially since they always sit at the same tables permanently marked by the greasy stains from their Magic cards. The Micheal Jackson kid sings very loud, and is really not hard to miss either.  Also, we can't forget about the pokemanz.
Class?  What class?  Nobody goes to class.  Mostly because community college is just a repeat of high school, except that your parents won't get a call when you do skip.  Anime characters of course have things like fighting evil to do, so they really can't come to class either.  Either that, or they're in the back corner having a plot-progressing monologue.  Plot?  I just want to play Minecraft on my laptop.

4Chan Friday

We've done a lot of exploring of the internets here on 4chan Friday. Sadly, unlike the internet, 4chan has a finite number of boards, which means the end was inevitable, but before that, let's take a look at what we saw and did.

Bad puns involving the board tags were created, probably leading to bits of people dieing inside.  But probably not as bad as my insides died, having to go through hundreds of pictures of genitals, fecal matter and captioned pictures of cats.  But I did it all for you guys.

We looked at a lot of porn, some of it for research sake.  I mean 4chan has a whole column for it.  Sometimes I found myself being distracted for some reason, but I uh... worked it out... and was able to still be able to post most things on time.

When I started doing this, 4chan had 50 boards.  Now it has 49.  What happened?  Well to start it off, the /r9k/ board which I couldn't figure out got deleted, probably because it was simply another /b/.  At the same time, a new board, /s/- social, was created, in order to create "casual meetups" for /b/tards and the related.  The other board is kind of a mystery.  Either I miscounted at first, or there was an actual 49th board.  According to this site  it was called /new/ but I never noticed it before.  Then again, I had never seen most of the board before I started doing this.  I should have probably done this more scientifically.  Oh ya, I was too busy playing minecraft.

And that's it for tonight.  But remember to stay tuned in for next week, where we explore the final frontier... /b/. 

Miners Gonna' Mine

So I thought I would show you guys just what I've been doing for the past couple of months to make me ignore school work, life, my friends, bathing, ect. Ok, it hasn't been that bad, but I have probably played it too much. But at the same time I've built so much! Yes, this is Minecraft.

Complete with a new Video Blog Opening, to match the new Green Series.

At first I was just going to do a walk through of my map, but then when I was done recording I was like "wow, this is fucking boring, this is just like all 9000 other Minecraft videos on Youtube." Then it became this.

If I get enough people wanting me to upload a copy of my map, I'll go for it.

It Came from Youtube

Since I don't tend to leave the Cave much, I can't really do stuff like try to pick up girls, but if I tried this, I'm sure It would go well.

I'm pretty sure all the chicks who don't even know what a meme is would probably think that they're really awesome and original pick up lines. Or I would get kicked in the nuts for being creepy.

And now here's a video that you will probably listen to at least 20 times this week. Feel free to hate me.

I think this comment explains it the best:

"OMG!!! its a magical feline pastry that travls through space and time delivering happy goddness and fighting other worldly crime embodying everything good and awesome the 9 dimensions of the universe in its rainbow jet steam. POPTART CAT!!!!!!!!"

The Passive Agressive Troll

The best trolls go unnoticed, like an internet ninja, assassinating your targets with rage.  Or at least a strange awkward feeling.  It's even better if you can disguise it as an act of kindness, instead of a stupid question or something that will be raged at regardless if it's a troll or not.

Farting in an elevator is classic.  Everyone smells it, but nobody knows who did it.  Nobody wants to ask who did it either, that would just be awkward, really.  Unless you're a troll.  But making a big fuss inside of a crowded elevator, yelling out for the person who passed the gas (while it was actually you) is not good enough.  Here's what you do to silently troll random people anywhere.

The door opener:  Open a door for someone across the room and watch as they try to go faster to reach it, in order to not make you feel uncomfortable for standing there... if only they knew.

The Pointer: Point out something.  Anything.  It doesn't have to be there.  Actually, it's better if it's not.  A plane in the sky.  A bird in a tree.  Watch as they strain to look for it.  Then describe it, and ask them what they think.  Soon, they will start agreeing with everything you say, because if they say otherwise they might make you think you're seeing something that isn't there.

Oh silly little sheep, your feelings of consideration only backfire on you.  Trolls: 1 Normal People: 0


Stand back everyone, as I am about to do science!

Science, apart from disproving religion, is responsible for finding out a majority of the world’s weird shit. For instance, the fact that a pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

I wonder how people find these things out. They can't just think to themselves one day "This bacon is so good, it's like an orgasm in my mouth! That makes me wonder how long a pig's orgasm lasts!"
via The Oatmeal
Sure, you could just watch a pig run around in ecstasy for a half an hour, but the scientific community would probably never take that as refutable evidence (Refutable Data contained on the Troll Cave= 0). So what did they do? Did they jerk of a pig in a controlled environment then watch it run around in ecstasy for a half hour? But then how are you sure that it's actually having an orgasm and not just being really worked up about being touched weirdly by scientists? [Their hands are cold].

I'm pretty sure they would actually have to stick more cold electrodes to a flailing pig strapped to a table, then take reading of it's brain waves.  Which makes me wonder more as to how they know what an orgasm looks like on a brain scan.  Where do I sign up to be able to jerk off inside an MRI while people in white lab coats look at my brain waves?  Oh wait, that sounds more like a bad mix between a porno and a horror movie...

4chan Friday

Well Trollers, 4chan Friday is almost over and I don't know if I have any more witty ways to start off.   But to make it up for you guys, I'm doing 3 board tonight.

Tonight we have /ic/ /toy/ and /x/.  I tried to make an anagram out of this, but the best I could do was cix toy.  (It sounds like sex toy, get it hahaha?)

Paranoia,  or /x/ is kind of like Bill O'reilly, it's the place for all the stuff you can't explain.

But it's more like those goth kids at school who pretend that they're vampires and werewolves, and go around in their Twilight-like fantasies of biting each other.  Also there's people who play Amnesia.  Now that definitely will make you become paranoid.

/ic/ is a pretty cool guy.  I don't know if it's intentional or not, but it's the Artwork/Critique board (ic/I see d'oh).  Let me tell you something.  Everyone is a critic.  Especially 4chan.  And it probably sucks.  Go back to photoshopping random faces on people.  Hey, that remind me of something- I got a Canvas invite today, which means I can do just that!

Toys.  I think we've done this far enough to know that this is what /toy/ stands for.  And guess what they talk about?  You know, as these boards start to dwindle down, they seem to be less and less mysterious.  But there is something I want to bring up.  Why are grown men (no women on the internet) playing with toys?  Unless those toys are big and gas powered, or have the possibility of destroying something.  

More Anime

It's that time again!  The spring 2011 animes are out, and it's my turn to take a steamy dump on all the hype, or lack thereof..

This season we actually have pretty a good distribution.  We have the trademark loli anime, the shojo anime, and to top it off, a gag anime with moeblobs.

Oretachi na Tsubasa wa Nai:  By the description, I thought this was going to be another Clannad (which I loved)  but after the opening sequence involved panty shots, I kind of just closed it.

Gintama: Oh boy, a continuation of an already long series... I will probably never finish this in my life.

Stein's Gate: If you took Death Note and  Welcome to the NHK and mashed them together, it would make Stein's Gate.  It's pretty goofy, but there's an air of mystery behind it.  I like it.

Hanasaku Iroha- This is the shojou type one, but still has a good enough story so that guys won't feel weird watching it.  Plus one of the characters is voiced by Omigawa Chiaki, one of my favorite female seiyuu.

Nichijou- I love this one already.  It's like watching Azumanga Daioh all over again, except that they have guns.  And it's adorable.

Um so yeah, everything else, I'm too lazy to write about, nor will I probably watch.  But that's what synopsis are for...

It Came From Youtube

Oh women and their mouths.  They really don't stop moving.  They could just go on for hours about anything, whether it be nagging, shopping, or how that bitch next-door got that boob job even though she already had some decent C-cups, I mean really, does her husband make her do it?  If only there was a way to just keep their mouth permanently shut... or open.

All the weird Britishisms [that could potentially be really funny euphemisms] aside, I'm sure this girl's boyfriend is a very happy guy. And on the other side of the spectrum, this guy's wife isn't so happy.

I hate to see what this guy does after that time of the month.

I think Mr. Lurker says it best- Just because you can do it doesn't mean you should.  But he does it anways, and with a straight face no less.  Why internets, why.

Charlie Sheen

"I'm on a drug called Charlie Sheen, if you take it you will die, your face will melt off and the children will cry over your exploded body."
Some people have their 15 minutes of fame, and others take those 15 minutes and drag it out way too long.  One of these people is Charlie Sheen.

Listening to the ramblings of a mentally-sick person isn't that hard to do.  Just walk out onto the streets and find the nearest homeless person.  Yet people are doing this, and paying to go to his shows to listen to him talk and rant, about how the fact he has tiger-blood and Adonis DNA.  Saying all this stuff and still having people taking him seriously pretty much confirms something: Charlie Sheen is a troll.

He's already a professional actor, I'm pretty sure feigning craziness is easy enough.  Like this:

I'm not really sure what this is, but I think Mr. Sheen himself stitching together random clips of him screwing around along with clips from his ABC interview. Which is hilarious.

So he can say and do what he wants, and he continues to get people to support him.  And this makes him all the more powerful.    He may not be superhuman, but as long as people keep feeding the troll, he may be one day.  Or just mentally ill.

999 Words

A picture can say a thousand words.  But posting pictures is for lazy people, so I write a thousand words to say those thousand words.  People would probably never read all that though.  That's why one-liners are so good, so you can remember them easier and repeat them ad-nauseum to your friends until they are ready to put duct-tape over your mouth.

So in interest of making this blog even more like a double dose of cocaine, I thought up some good sayings that you could use to (badly) describe this blog.

The Troll Cave: Nothing is safe.
The Troll Cave: Nuke it from orbit.
The Troll Cave: Because no one else will.
The Troll Cave: I'm 12 and where am I?
The Troll Cave: Ha ha, I actually AM using the internets!
The Troll Cave: Pretty much against all religions.
The Troll Cave: Oops, did I do that?
The Troll Cave: Always the whole thing.
The Troll Cave: Taking over the internet one lol at a time.

And a couple that are probably too long to be a one-liners, but what the hell.
The Troll Cave: They said I could become anything I wanted, so I became the internet.
The Troll Cave:The only blog that wears socks with sandals.

As a bonus, if you guys like one of these in particular, it will become part of the banner!  Fell free to put your own in the comment section, as well.

4chan Friday

Last week's 4chan Friday sadly got taken over by Justin Bieber, another reason to dislike him.  However do not fear, for it is back!

This week on 4chan Friday, I'm doing two board that involve two things that I will be doing soon:  /trv/ and /cgl/

/cgl/ stands for Cosplay & EGL.  I actually don't know what EGL stands for, but for you normal non-anime watching people out there, cosplay is dressing up like a character from an anime.  Which might seem kind of weird, especially if you're doing it just to go out shopping or something.

Or if you do this
But I'm not that into making a fool of myself (at least in real life, in a fairly small town).  No, I'm going to Fanime con, at the end of May.  It's still kind of far away, so my cosplay isn't quite ready, but I will update as it comes closer.  Speaking of being far away...

/trv/ is the Travel Board.  The anime convention is in San Jose California, about a 5 hour drive.  Which means me and at least one other friend on a long road trip to an anime convention with Jpop and other anime music blaring the whole way.

It's funny that Travel has its own board.  Some people consider the trip half of the fun, but I actually consider it more about 67% of the fun.  The other however much percent involves being able to go around in a strange city, trying not to get lost and/or killed, preferably dressed up as a random androgynous looking anime character.   San Jose here we come!


So you're watching anime, and you see this cute girl. You say to yourself, "Hey, she's pretty cute, I wish I could have someone like that as my wife." Well now you can.

The Waifu is all the rage over at 4chan /a/, with all the neckbeards and other no lifers who are to afraid to go out and chat up a real girl grabbing them up as fast as they can. That way, they can find comfort in their favorite body pillow (printed with the picture of their waifu of course) while they cry themselves to sleep.

Real women = do not want.
With animation studios like KyoAni pooping out series after series of cute-girls-doing-cute-things, there will always be people looking for their waifu, trying to snatch it up before the other fools put their greasy hands on her.  Until they get yelled at by their uber-macho-meat-head dads to stop watching their girl-cartoons, or otherwise get told that they're being stupid.

But what about all of those fatty anime watching girls wearing their "I love Yaoi" shirts?  What about their husbandos?  No, I don't want to go there.  Next thing you know, they're knocking at my door with their fan-fiction, and once they tire themselves out, my wifi acess key.  My Internet is already slow enough, you bovine. 

Next time your curl up to your loved one, make sure that it's the heat from their body and not the heat of your monitor. 
3d/2d  Learn the difference!

It Came from Youtube

This week's "it came from youtube" was a bit hard this week, because about 80% of my Youtube history is minecraft videos.  I should really stop doing that.  But thanks to fellow bloggers, as well as my random friends on Skype, I have been able to dig up some good videos.  I think.

I am not responsible for any fingerprints on your screen, nor any ocd-related feelings of needing to wash your hands multiple times.

This one is just awesome for the sake of being awesome.

Freaking awesome, Japan.

Fear not, I will be making a video of my own Minecraft map soon, so you can finally see what I've been wasting my time on!

Going Green

If you just tuned in, you're probably saying something like, "Holy crap, what the shit?! I'm 12 and what is this?" No, this is not a continuation of the April Fools joke.

This is the whole new look of The Troll Cave. I've decided to lighten it up a bit, and make it easier to read and look at. And now it's green to match the Real Troll Face. So far I'm liking it. Though I will probably change the background image to something that looks a little less like it was done in paint (actually, paint.net).

After derping around with the coding for about 2 hours today, as well as much trial and error, I finally got it to look how I like, which taught me something. The Troll Man cannot do HTML. I can, however, do stuff like change pixels around and upload different backgrounds to make it look somewhat original. If there's anyone out there who can actually do stuff like this and wants to help out, feel free to drop me a message!


Hello again fellow Bieber Fans!  You know, when I'm not listening to the smooth lyrics of Mr. Bieber, I'm scaring the shit out of myself with Amnesia: The Dark Descent.

Yes, I scream like a girl. Justin Bieber probably does too.
(The blog will return to being the Troll Cave tomorrow, don't worry.)

Welcome to Bieber Blog!!!!

Like omg harro!!  I'm Bieber Man (>^_^>)  and this it totally the blog about everything Bieber!

I luv Justin Biber like this much <333333#333333!!.  I was like so sad when he cut his hair, I cried for like 3 DAYS strate when he did it I wish I was there to stop him (or at least to pick up the hair after and save it in my shrine lolololol)  But then I told myself vrything would be all right, cause he still looks cool and cute and stuffs ^_________^ and he can still sing and stuff. and it would grow out again, right? 

These jerks on a place called "fourtchan" are all like "lololol justin bieber what a gay f**goth* and I went there and was like "dun make funna him, there's no way any of you jerks could ever sing as good as him ever" and then they called me names like sage and stuff.  I'm never going back there :((((((((((((((.

So anyways like OMGGGGGZZ I have to tell you about this dream where Justin was totally my bf forever,a nd he would sing to me *squeeeee* :DDDDDDDDDD but then my MOM came in and was like "I washed these clothes for you." and I was like omg mommmmmmmmmmmmmm you ruined everything ur ruining my life just leav me alone!!!!