Douche Meter

If you go to college like me, or just tend to walk around areas with a lot of people, chances are that you're going to meet up with a douchebag. And when you do, you know it instantly.

However, not every douchebag is on the same level of douchiness. With some things you can immediately tag someone as a douche, while other things may just be annoying. Some will effect your douche rating greatly, while other do not.

1 Point:
  • Unshavenness. If you have stubble, but with no plans to let it grow out, you're just being lazy, but not very douchy. On the other hand, if you want to grow it into a goatee or a soul patch, then you might want to keep reading...
  • Energy Drinks. Just because you're drinking a Rockstar, doesn't mean you are one. But hey, some people like the taste. Plus there's all the "energy" to help you do work, such as browsing Myspace.
Rev up the douchemobile.
 2 Points:
  • Sports Apparel. You're wearing your high school football jacket? And when did you graduate? Three years ago you say? Well I guess changing into that polo shirt so you can pop your collar isn't any better...
  • Other Douchwear. Really, can you see anything out of those glasses? You know it's dark outside right? And no, nobody wants to call you, so put away the bluetooth headset. 
 3 Points:
  • Spray on tan. I don't know what planet you're from, but here on Earth you turn brown after sitting outside. Maybe if you spent less time spiking your hair maybe you could go outside and try to tan the real way. 
  • Acting Like a Douche.  "Sup guys, you wanna get some beers?  You're not 21?  What are you, chicken?  Don't be a little bitch."
 So what rank are you?
  • 0-3 Points- Not very douchy, you're a decent person.
  • 4-7 Points- You look like a fool, but you still have friends.
  • 8-10 Points- Pretty Douchy.  Nobody wants to hang out with you.
  • 11-12 Points- Congratulations, you can now legally change your name to Chad.  Chad as in "Oh shit guys, it's Chad. I think he's distracted, he must be talking to some bimbo on his bluetooth. Is he looking at us? I can't tell, those lenses are mirrored. Let's leave before he sees us!" 

Bad-Ass Anime Character of the Week

Has there ever been that one character that you saw, then thought to yourself, "that guy's a bad-ass"? No matter what situation he gets in, what enemies he faces, or what happens to their friends or their selves, they continues to fight on. This is their tribute.

Alucard (アーカード)
Anime: Hellsing

Alucard is the ultimate vampire. Unlike the other wanna-be vampires, he is pure bred; not born from a lowly human turned blood-sucker.

While he works for humans, he is no slave. His power is absolute, overwhelming, much more than any human could handle. His immense vampire strength allows him to wield a gun that would knock any regular person to the ground if he or she tried to fire it. On top of that, his senses allow him to see his target from far away, without even a sight.

What, you think Alucard relies on human creations only to do his killing? He can kill using any number of his vampire abilities. And while he's not killing you in some demented, showy way he can use those abilities to heal himself, such as regenerating from a pool of blood after his head has just been cut off.

Do You Like Drugs?

I don't, thank god. But I love listening to music that makes me feel like I do. Yup, I'm talking about techno music.

To be fair, B-Complex and Mt. Eden are actually classified as "Drum and Beat." Most people would just call anything with an electronic feel as "techno," but that is because they are UNEDUCATED SIMPLETONS. If you think about the term, drum and beat, though, it makes sense. It basically includes a drum line, with lots of bass drum, as well as a various beats repeating at different times to make a melody.

The second song is an entire compilation, about an hour long, but it is awesome. Deadmau5 is something I've recently discovered, but I love already. doesn't have a big selection of either B-Complex or Deadmau5 though, so you can check them out on Youtube.

The last song was just an awesome remix I found while putting together this playlist, and I though I would share it with you.

Adrien Brody

I seriously can not stop listening to this. Believe me, try to keep yourself from moving any part of your body to the music by the end of the song.

At first, when I watched this, I though “wow this just wasted 4 minutes of my life.” Then I watched it again, and thought, no, that was totally worth it. Also, Gordonsquest.

The Troll in His Natural Habitat

This would be me, circa 5:00 a.m. Despite drinking a Bawls around 11 earlier that night, my body could no longer hold out after the night of Rockband and Watching funny videos on Youtube. But what a party it was, (for your information, a party with my real life friends, Mr. Troll who commented on a very old post which no one will probably see.)

Moral of the story? Always stock up on plenty caffeine.

Best of Youtube: The Worst

So everything that gets uploaded to Youtube isn't always good. Statistically, with over 140 million videos on Youtube today, the chances that you get crap is pretty high. But hey, everybody loves to laugh at bad movies-- they're so bad that they're actually good. No, that is not a double negative.

If this is the future, please let me die before people start saying things in reverse. I prefer talking with proper word order.

I know everyone loved Yaranaika! so much, so here's another video featuring Abe and one of his friends chasing after Kagamin Ren

I'm not sure I can look at Caramelldansen the same way again...

What says "I am teh osm karate masta" better than the Mortal Kombat theme? Nothing, I suppose, besides actually displaying actual skill. I'm pretty sure the second guy is trying to beat up a sex-doll.

Awful accents, racial stereotypes, and terrible puns? It totally puts me in the mood for buying used cars that will probably end up being lemons.

If Everything was posted on Facebook

Nowadays, everyone has a Facebook (except my mom; whenever she asks me to make one for her, I change the subject.) People even create blogs for their pets. My friend even made a Facebook (as well as a blog) for her sock monkey.  But what if major historical events became  discussion topics on Facebook? It would look something like this:

via Failbook
On the bright side, if I saw the updates before the actual event took place, I wouldn't have to worry about going to class. That is, assuming of course, that I actually check my Facebook.

Anime Cutie of the Week

Let's face it. Girls in anime are made to look cute, with their big eyes, brightly colored hair, and funny facial expressions. However, there will always be a certaint few that will make you "d'aww" especially loud...

Misao Kusukabe (日下部 みさお)
Anime: Lucky Star

Misao is one of the side characters in Lucky Star, but one of my favorites.  You know why?  She has a fang.  I am a huge sucker for fangs.  If you could see inside my brain, you would already know this, but you can't; and for that reason this blog exists.

How would it feel to get glomped by Misao you ask? I wouldn't know, but you can ask Kagami. Even though she doesn't show it, Hiiragi "raabus" you too.

Anything she does, she does in a cute way. With her, eating usually involves big bites, loud (but cute) sounds of nomming, and squeals of joy (or in the case of dropping a meatball, disappointment.) Hell, basically any sound that comes out of her mouth is cute.

My personal Favorites: VA! and the bottom right.


This girl (who is now infact, my girlfriend) liked me for a while before I ever caught on. All of my friends knew, just not me. I guess she tried to hint at it for a while, but as a guy, I really didn't notice:

We don't get hints. We're less sensitive to subtlety than rocks. Sorry girls, if you want us to notice something, spell it out for us.

But on a semi-related note, I do have a wonderful girlfriend, who accepts me even though I am a giant nerd. And she even reads my blog. <3

Oh Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Right click and hit "play" for maximum rage.

Feel free to hate me now.

Best of Youtube: Mario Theme

The Mario theme is one of the oldest and most recognizable themes ever.  When you hear it, you know it.  Even somebody who has never even touched a Nintendo product will know the tune.  It also happens to be one of the most reproduced song, with people making different versions and ways of playing it every day.

Yo Dawg, I herd you like Mario, so we put Mario in your Mario so you can 1up while you 1up.

The violin is a very classical instrument, now playing a very classic tune.

The bassoon isn't so classy, but I've always liked low woodwinds since I played bass clarinet in High School.

Excuse me sir, but what are you doing? Oh,just making the sounds with your body? Well then, carry on.

There are absolutely tons of these on Youtube, with various anime sound clips auto-tuned to different songs, but this is my favorite (complete with acts of Azu-nyan rape.)

This isn't the theme exactly, but this is hilarious. This is pretty long though, with plenty of profanity.


Shutup and sit down, because I’m here to tell you about Desu. Desu you say? Isn’t that like that word you can add to like any sentence in Japanese and still make it work?

NO. First, off, the “u” is normally silent. Unless you have two differently colored eyes, or you can get away with being extremely cute, you better fucking pronounce it right. It means “is” or “am” or “are,” basically any form of the verb “to be” in English. That’s right, you don’t need to conjugate verbs in Japanese, it’s pretty much the shit.

If you talk like a lolcat normally, it means you can't conjugate, and in your own language no less. In other words, you are either a retard or just plain lazy. If you are the latter, Japanese is the language for you. If you don’t know the difference between “former” and “latter," you fall under the first option.

Verbs always come at the end of a sentence, and because Japanese is a pro-drop language, you don’t always need it for people to understand.  Adding desu at the end of a phrase isn’t just because they want to be “cute,”  they are being polite, or at least trying to feign it  Other times, some characters can get away with just adding it anywhere, depending on their level of moé-ness.

Then there's Suiseieki, who just abuses the hell out of it.  I'm sorry, but after any amount of time speaking Japanese, you should learn that you can't just add random words onto the end of a sentence.  Or even worse, use them on their own as an exclamation...

Bad-Ass Anime Character of the Week

Has there ever been that one character that you saw, then thought to yourself, "that guy's a bad-ass"? No matter what situation he gets in, what enemies he faces, or what happens to their friends or their selves, they continues to fight on. This is their tribute.

Light Yagami (夜神 月)
Anime: Death Note

Light is one the smartest and most well planned out characters to ever hit anime. While he is the main character, what really makes him stand out is the fact that he is also the main antagonist.

He discovers this book one day, (written in English of course, which he can read like a BAMF) which says he can kill anyone just by writing their name in it.  Instead of bringing it to the police like a non-bad ass person, he tries it out, and soon becomes the bringer of divine justice, Kira.

Except for this.
When he faces L, a mysterious detective with intelligence on par with his own, he doesn't cower in fear.  He just develops multiple back-up plans for every single possible turn of events.

For the next part of the anime, he is forced to play mind games with L, the police, his own family, and eventually with himself, all to keep himself out of the realm of suspicion.  He even forces himself to lose his memory so he can fight himself, to then later regain it again and get rid of L forever.  He is Light Yagami, he takes potatoe chips, and he eats them!


First day of classes tomorrow, and I don't really want to make a real post, so here's some wallpapers.  Dualscreens, even.  Blogger resizes them, so a link to the full size is in the caption.

Ninjas... they can't catch you.
Colors everywhere!

(My Girlfriend loves this one.)
So peaceful...

How to Troll Anybody

And there you go.  I discussed something like this a while ago, "your favorite anime sucks," which makes [a/ foam at the mouth.  Everyone reverts to kindergarten level again, and rediscovers their reflex of tearing up when they get made fun of.

But then of course, you can always turn it around.
People get into this habit, (especially on /ck/ with fatties and food involved) of branding stuff with ranks, usually somewhere between god tier and shit tier.  Like something on shit tier?  Gtfo.  Put shit in god tier?  Gtfo.  It's a vicious cycle...

Capcha Episode 2

The Encoder strikes again! People have even started a blog about the capchas they see, and how to "decode" them.

So here I am, writing this essay so it will let me post... It kind of takes me back to German, and learning words like "Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz" (beef labelling supervision duty assignment law).

Uh, can I like try to draw it in paint and use that?  I don't even have an alt-code that will put in big black boxes of doom.
Is it required to be upside-down?  Maybe I have to use this site...
Just because I'm posting in /a/, don't assume I have a proper keyboard for this.
Ok, I'm really fine not posting anything tonight.
Oh shi- the Government is getting involved, I"m getting out of here!


I'm always listening to music when I'm on my computer, so I pretty much have Itunes up from the time I boot to the time I shutdown. Since I should be getting a new computer sometime in the near future, I figured I'd look at the play count of certain songs before it all disappears. Here's a list of my top 10 listened to songs, from most to least.

Rise Against has been stuck in my "recently played" ever since I heard "Savior" on the radio and fell in love with it. That's probably why there's three of their songs in there. The others are just random songs that ended up getting played over and over because they are catchy and got stuck in my head. It really helps having a keyboard with multimedia buttons that let me repeat songs over and over. As for the number of plays, the top (Savior) came in at 192. The actual count could be higher, since sometimes I restarted it before it finished.

There was only one song which had no plays at all was Ricardo Villabos's "Fizheuer Zieheuer," a 36 minute long minimalist techno song. My friend is the only person I know who has been able to listen to the whole thing, during a band trip on the bus ride down. For those who are interested, here's the first part.

On a side note, I think I'll start incorporating some of these playlists into my posts. Pretty cool embed (even though I had to play with the html to get it to post right.)

Best of YouTube: 10 Minutes of Hell

If you watch every single video all the way through in one sitting, you get my full respect. Hard mode: watch them all at once. Is your body ready?

To quote the maker of this video "Oh Yui, you so crazy." Also, Un Tan.

I absolutely love Flow, but listening to the first two words of "Colors" over and over isn't so pleasureful.

Ten minutes of Boxxy. No, I ain't be trollin'.

Only slightly extended from the actual scene. It's like Bleach filler, but even worse (yes, that is the full unedited scene.)

So I herd you like mudkips...

The World Works in Wierd Ways

Like how my title became an alliteration.  I didn't even think about it, as it came into my head just a few seconds ago.  Anyways, going to the actual post.

I noticed this a while ago on Facebook, with the constant "liking" of things.  There is a like button for everything.  It's like rule 34# of the internet, but less pornographic.  

You better like this.
I started to see things that applied to me, but they were really obscure and mundane things.  Things that I would do normally, but would think nobody else did. Like taking a shower in the dark.  Don't judge me, it has a warm comforting feeling about it.  At first I thought it was just the internet hacking into my brain (which occurs on a somewhat frequent basis) but I soon came to realize that no matter what, there would always be someone doing the same thing as you at the same time.

Think about it.  If you are on the surface of Mars, writing a post about how you’re the only martian blogger, the second you hit submit, another person will float by with their laptop, making an entry about the same thing.
"Sup dude, whacha writin' about?  Chilly night, huh?"
It's inevitable. In the end, whenever you're feeling self conscious about something you do, remember that you're not the only one.

Anime Cutie of the Week

Let's face it. Girls in anime are made to look cute, with their big eyes, brightly colored hair, and funny facial expressions. However, there will always be a certaint few that will make you "d'aww" especially loud...

Ritsu Tainaka (田井中 律)
Anime: K-On!

K-On! is the essential "cute girls doing cute things" anime.  Originally, to decision between the five members was difficult- they all have great qualities, such as Tsumugi's eyebrows, Mio's shyness, or Azusa's cat-like cuteness (Yui is meh).  However, I finnaly had to decide on Ritsu.

Why?  Ritsu is a total bro.  She's the creator of the band, the club president, and the drummer.  She is also completely hyperactive and random.  She reminds me of a female version of one of my friends, someone who it would be fun to just hang around with.

Also, there's her hair.  Normally, she wears her hair back with a headband, but when she takes it off, it reveals her very long and very cute bangs.  Some amazing person decided to edit various scenes from the anime to show her with her hair down.  Whoever this man is, he earns multiple internet cookies.

For your enjoyment, here's a video of Ritsu being cute for a minute and a half, with her hair both up and down for, uh, comparison.  Ignore the cat-Mio int he background.

When she starts to blush, be prepared to hngggggg.

For the second season, I'm pretty sure they spent a large chunk of their animation budget strictly on Ritsu, which I really don't mind at all.

Just look at those eyes!

Anime Alignment Charts

Ever played a DnD style game such as Neverwinter Nights? Neither have I. My friend got me to try to play a while ago, and there was just too much junk to try to comprehend. Especially the alignment charts. However, after seeing some of them on 4chan about various anime characters, it helped me to understand what the alignments actually meant. Eventually, I made a couple for myself.
Most of the quotes are real, and are actually said in the anime, either taken from the best sub or the English dub. Now that I think back on some of them, I could have changed some around, or changed the quotes a bit, but I am far too lazy to fix them. However, if I get enough demand I might be inclined to make some more...

John's Background Switcher

I found this nice little piece of software a while ago, right around the time I started my wallpaper collection from 4chan- obviously there was a connection.

Windows 7 (and I think Vista as well) has a built in background changer, which is nice, but this one has so many options you can change, then does all the work for you. I have a dual-screen setup, and because of how my desk is made, my monitors are arranged with the secondary to the left, which Windows doesn't seem to like very much. As a result, when I use a dual screen wallpaper with just the regular background selector, it reverses the picture.

With John's background Switcher, you just choose any pictures you want, then set up how often you want them to change, and how they should be sized to fit. In the case of multiple monitors, it can either display multiple pictures at once, or one very long picture, made to fit near-perfectly, even if you are running two different resolutions like me. You can even pull pictures off the web from various sites like flickr, or even I Can Haz Cheezburger to make a loltastic picture collage.

Even after I upgrade to Windows 7, I will probably still use this software. It takes up barely any processing power, and is very discreet but powerful. Click here to check it out, or just download the installer.

I Hate My Computer.

While I am the Troll Man, and not the Hater, but I cannot go longer without saying this.

My computer is now about five years old, and probably gives me more annoyance than my mom. I bought it with really one thing in mind, playing Guild Wars. It was going to be the best computer ever, with the ability to run everything. I'll let you drool over the specs for a second:
-Windows XP, media center addition.
-1GB of Ram
-AMD Athalon 64 Processor.

-Generic integrated video card (I did buy another overpriced one from Best Buy to help my graphics out some.)

Holy hell, it even has AOL pre-installed!

At the time, that was my idea of it, that it would last me through college and beyond, that it would never go obsolete.

He was also probably the first man who could afford that amount of ram.

The first day I bought my computer home from Best Buy, ripped off all the environment-destroying packaging, and set it up was the happiest day of my life. It was also the beginning of a long trip. That very first day, the computer locked up on me. I should have taken it as a sign, but my old computer (which was complete garbage from the beginning) did it daily, and I didn't think much of it as I pushed the power button.

Around two months later, after it crashed on me, it tried rebooting it. I pressed the power button, and it just kind of sat there. The lights were on, but nobody was at home. I had it sent in, and after waiting for two excruciating weeks, I got it back, along with a notice saying they had replaced the faulty (for whatever reason) motherboard, and that it was good as new. Two months later, the same thing happened. After much rage and more waiting, the motherboard was replaced again, which has actually stayed intact till this day.

Moving to today, the computer bought specifically for Guild Wars barely runs it, along with pretty much every other game- even at the lowest settings. Think trying to play Halo on the N64. I can probably think through a couple reasons why it doesn't work as fast as it should. Maybe it's because I used to leave it on for weeks at a time, without rebooting or closing anything. My Guild Wars account got tons of play time wracked up, but now my computer runs like a paraplegic through tar.

Trying to upgrade it was an adventure. I opened up the case a while ago for probably the first time in several months to find that my 1GB of ram was made up of two 512MB ram cards, DDR1 no less. Thank you Compaq, and your immaculate standards for building computers. Long story short, I've decided to buy a new computer, with around 4x better specs, but for half of what I paid for this one...

The Capcha

A capcha was recently implemented over at 4chan, which was a quick fix to get rid of the tons of spam. Moot has posted that he is not a fan of the capcha, however it seemed like the only way, and so far it has worked out great. However, it spawned a new activity across the boards, trying to find the most wierd-ass capcha. The spammers are shut down, and 4channers are engrossed in a new activity. After my travels through the boards, I was able to save a few for myself.

That's a lot of pancakes.

I think this is trying to tell me something. Who is the encoder? Is he the one who makes these? Is this like the Matrix?

Um, what? Can I even use an exponent?

Ever have that dream where you're taking a test you haven't studied for?

Ok now you're just screwing with me.

Oh god, just give me actual letters.

Russian?? Really? That's the last straw.

Yes. I've outrage. Very outrage. Tell "the encoder" to get the keyboard back from his dog.

Best of Youtube: Yaranaika?

Yaranaika is a Japanese phrase meaning "Shall we do it?" As your mind starts to wander to dirty things, I can say that those thoughts are justified. Abe Takakazu is a character in a homosexual manga, in which he sits on a bench in a park, and when another male character passes by, he unzips his jumpsuit, revealing his... well you know. At that point, he utters this now famous phrase. I'm not a homophobic, I even have friends who are gay. But the spoofs of this character are just too hilarious. I apologize in advance if you are offended.

Here's the cast of the manga enjoying a day in the park playing baseball. Try not laughing at 1:18.

I present you G-On, or "Geion," as it reads in Japanese. I really can't think of way to turn this into more of a joke than it already is.

Abe's solo debut. Almost as cute as Ranka (see last week's anime cutie).

Ever other anime character has their own Caramelldansen. Youtube doesn't discriminate based on sexual preference.

I really can't bring myself to embed this. This is possibly one of the most graphic and gay things I have seen on youtube. Watch at your own discretion.

The Troll Diaries

I've seen plenty of trolling in my day, in places you wouldn't even expect. Now I bring my findings to you.

Since I don't have TV, Yahoo news is pretty much the only news I see when logging onto my mail in the morning. It has the bland stuff that you would expect from Yahoo, but every once in a while, they have a semi decent article, like this. The surprising part though, is that the seemingly mild-mannered Yahoo users are actually clever trolls.

How about making coffee?
Sorry buddy, someone though of that.
I put coffee grounds in it and let hot water flow from the top through the coffee grinds and the filter. It makes a great cup of coffee.
Wow, who knew you could do that with a coffee filter? Of course, people want to throw in more nonstandard uses.
When you run out of toilet paper you can...
And I'll stop it there.

And now for some fun of my own, thanks to this thread on 4chan:
1) Pick a random picture from your /a/ folder
2) Erase the nose on your character
3) Post the results
Initiating MS Paint in 3..2..
What they want...

I can haz fotoshop?  Or how bout Oban Star Racers?  No noses to be found.

Well that was easy...

Bad-Ass Anime Character of the Week

Has there ever been that one character that you saw, then thought to yourself, "that guy's a bad-ass"? No matter what situation he gets in, what enemies he faces, or what happens to their friends or their selves, they continues to fight on. This is their tribute.

Lelouche Lamperouge/Vi Birttania (ルルーシュ・ランペルージ/ヴィ・ブリタニア)
Anime: Code Geass

Lelouche is pretty much the man that makes shit happen.

Lelouch has the power of absolute control with the power of his Geass. He starts a war against the greatest superpower in the world, [spoiler] takes it over, takes over the world, then dies. [end spoiler]

WHOA WHOA WHOA HOLD THE PHONE. If you’re a true bad-ass, you don't wait until the last episode to die. This post is now about Jerimiah Gottwald.

Jeremiah Gottwald (ジェレミア・ゴットバルト)
Anime: Code Bad-Ass

While Lelouche is all using his Geass on everybody and trying to take over the world, Jerimiah Gottwald is being turned into a goddamn assassin-robot.

After his transformation into a Geass-canceling killing machine, he goes after Lelouche.  Lelouche uses his freaky magnet thing to shut him down (fuckin’ magnets, how do they work?) but he uses his human side to force himself to move.

Jeremiah, aka Orange-kun, is pretty much the master of everything. Before jumping out of a burning mech onto another one in mid-air, he yells "Explode!", and, realizing his awesomeness, the mech explodes into a ball of fire without so much as a confirmation. Respect the half man, half robot, half orange, if you know what's good for you.