One day, there was a man named Jesus.  He died.  Three days later, he rose from the dead... and he wanted brains.  Because the consumption of brains nowadays is looked down upon, we hand out nasty boiled eggs-- which kind of have the same texture and probably flavor-- to all the little children.

Unfortunately, Jesus and the Easter Bunny couldn't show up today (they were too busy being IMAGINARY) so you've got me, The Troll Man. 

Don't forget Easter bear!

As a kid, I remember foraging for eggs in my backyard.  My dad would always hide the green ones in the grass, jerk.  After that I would gorge myself on stupid amounts of choc... oh ya, my parents didn't let me have chocolate as a kid saying I was "allergic to it."  I got shitty carob (which tastes like crap)  and jellybeans.  Not even the good ones either, the ones that will make you barf because of all the food coloring.   Why is this even a holiday, anyways?  Oh ya...

Just to make sure that the kids nowadays can have just a shitty of a childhood as you did, you can do something like this:
 Mission Accomplished.  Enjoy your yolk, brats.