Forf of Jewly

Here in America, it's the 4th of July-  celebrating the day we told off Britain and became our own country (take that, you limeys.)  Now I know not everyone has the pleasure of living in the greatest country in the world, but it's not like you can't celebrate our greatness with us.

Fireworks.  Big explody things that turn into balls of light when you fire them into the air.  Or into devices of mass murder when you fire them into the crowd.  It's just like the revolutionary war all over again. Except fireworks were invented in China- which is sort of patriotic in itself, since most of the things we buy here in America also come from China.  Hooray for outsourcing and capitalism!  We shoot of these fireworks here on the 4th, making sure all the countries around us can see our glory.  Then we continue to fire them off late into the night to show just how drunk we got having a great time.

But America isn't [all] about making the lesser man work for us.  It's about the people.  People like George Bush, Bill O'Reilly, Hugh Laurie, and of course, the common man.

Today when you grill your red meat and stuff your face with it, washing it down with a cold beer, make sure to remember the great people of this country- the Wallmart Greeter, the McDonald's cashier, your drug dealer, as well as all the others (except the janitor, because he is a Mexican here to take our jobs and ruin this great country.)

5 Response to "Forf of Jewly"

  1. Lemons Don't Make Lemonade July 5, 2011 at 1:15 AM
    First of all, your blog is hilarious. (Got here from A Beer for the Shower.)

    And I can testify as to how ANNOYING fireworks are. I live in China, where they are apparently legal, so it's totally normal to be awoken by a VIP view of fireworks outside my second storey window.

    Happy 4th! In honor of the occasion, I'm going to sleep in, skip my exercise routine, and eat three hamburgers for dinner. Oh, and nod happily when someone tells me how awesome Communism is.

    Which is like, all the time.
  2. Byakuya July 5, 2011 at 5:19 AM
    Haha happy 4th (now 5th) of July

    I'm curious where limey came from now, going to google it =D

    Great post, made me laugh <3
  3. Zombie July 5, 2011 at 6:22 AM
    happy late 4th of july! lol.
  4. MRanthrope July 5, 2011 at 11:42 PM
    Oh saaay can you see....oh say can you see...Ohhhh, say, can you seeeee
  5. Kev D. July 6, 2011 at 8:33 AM
    Look at the purdy cullurs.

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