Troll Bible

Posted by Sean Clark Friday, July 15, 2011 11:24 PM
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We're at the point in the Troll Bible that there's more than just a few people living on the Earth, and therefore one person eating a cursed apple won't end up pissing off God and ruining everything for everybody.

"This is why we can't have nice things."
-The Big Guy

So as we continue past the weird books with Hebrew names on to the ones named after famous people back in the day like "Joshua" and "Samuel" (Terrible pen names if you ask me.) lots of stuff is happening, like more people killing each other and more land being fought over, as if that was anything new.  

All of the main characters and the extras are chillin' in their sweet promised land, and are all like "Shit guys, this promised land is so sweet."  But then God, being the benevolent and caring God that he is, decides to kill everyone with a giant flood.  No hard feelings.  He makes one guy, all by himself, make a giant boat to save all the animals.  Reminds me of Office Space.

"Ya, I'm gonna need you to build this giant boat by Sunday."

But somehow he does it, and all the animals (except the dinosaurs) came aboard, and they waited for the giant amounts of rain to come.
Then after 40 days, God pulled the plug and the waters disappeared or something.  It doesn't matter- scientific facts like conservation of mass mean nothing to God.  He's just that awesome.  After that, the repopulation of the Earth started-- again. (I mean seriously, how many times have we been through this?)

2 Response to "Troll Bible"

  1. Shahan July 16, 2011 at 5:21 AM
    Haha your article is so true, awesome post
  2. Anonymous September 16, 2011 at 11:35 AM
    Thinking about the flood waters it kind of makes sense to an extent that Earth has always been growing and expanding but we have had the same amount of land, if not less now. Ever since Pangaea land has just been pushed away from itself for some reason and I don't think it's the "tectonic plates".

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