I randomly looked through the spam folder in my email today, and among the offers for penis and breast enlargement, as well as a "$1000 Victoria's Secret Wardrobe Makeover," (Which to be honest, I think I would look stunning in, with lingerie replacing all of my regular clothing) I noticed some weird offers. 

Like a Walmart gift card.  Why Walmart?  Why me?  I know I'm pasty white, semi-low income, and am prone to spout horrible generalizations.  But how do the people Emailing me know this?  Is it because I say horrible self-incriminating statements on my blog like this?  Probably, but that doesn't mean that I have shopped or ever will shop at Walmart.  Not saying that I've never shopped there, but only to support our local Hispanic population- they have mouths to feed too.

Of course I didn't take the offer.  I mean really, why do I need a stupid gift card if they keep rolling back their prices?  Shouldn't they be free by now?

But what about all the other offers in my inbox?  What am I missing out on when I don't click on them?  Some Indian king really could have just died and left me a huge inheritance.  I could get a larger package or even a bigger rack (obviously not both, that would just look silly.) 
Heck, I might be the talk of the town on all these dating cites and Facebook!  I wouldn't say I'm one of the most popular people on the internet, but I'm up there with the Zuckerburgs and the uh... Al Gores.  I mean, he invented it, and I'm making it a better place.  I'm like his landscaper or something.  Except unlike a real landscaper I'm not Hispanic and I only get down and dirty in the virtual world.  Which is where it counts.  Real landscapers are going to be replaced by robots anyways.

3 Response to "Spam"

  1. Zombie July 11, 2011 at 6:23 AM
    There is soooooooo much spam in my email box...
  2. Byakuya July 11, 2011 at 9:23 AM
    The best thing about spam is it's actually illegal, yet still some of my email accounts get hundreds of spam/scam emails every day.

    Some of them are hilariously bad if you take the time to read them.
  3. MRanthrope July 11, 2011 at 5:13 PM
    I really should check my spam folder too. Haven't done so in awhile. Last time it was a fake IRS email trying to ruin my life. I sort of stopped checking after that one.

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