Heat Tolerence

It's summer.  Unless you live in the southern hemisphere, you upside-down freak. (Gravity, how does it work?)  Anyways, it's hot here.  And I still have like 2 weeks left in this god-forsaken town before I head off to college on the coast where the contents of my car won't turn into things comparable with other really hot things like the sun and lava.

Lava pool featuring Penelope Cruz.  Which is hotter?
I never remember the heat bothering me as a kid, and I've lived here all my life (another reason to want to burn all of it to the ground.)  I think I know the point at which the sun suddenly decided to make me hate going outside, or even moving my body for that matter.  It was the point my balls dropped.

The term 'hot as balls' actually means something.  While the human body is 98.6 degrees F (what, that's like 600 for you Celsius users?) testicles hang away from the body in order to protect their precious cargo.  Balls, in fact, do have a measurable temperature.  Whatever lucky guy they tested to get this information, I do not know.

The hotter it is, the farther away from the body the scrotum expands, allowing them to "breathe."  This can be augmented by wearing mesh shorts, or  standing on top of a fan with said shorts on.  Not that I'm telling you how to rustle your jimmies, that's up to you.

Balls also change when it's cold.  It can sometimes be referred to as "shrinkage."  Which brings me to my next point.  I can't take a cold shower even when it's burning hot.  It's like a cat, they don't like water because they look smaller when their fur is wet, and therefor they are less intimidating.  So I end up taking a hot shower, not only to avoid that "I'm dying of hypothermia I can't breath" feel, but also to protect myself if someone should happen to initiate a naked shower attack like in Psycho.  Or if my mom happens to walk in.

6 Response to "Heat Tolerence"

  1. Byakuya August 1, 2011 at 3:10 AM
    Because when you're attacked in the shower by would-be thieves and murderers, they are held at bay by your last line of defence.

  2. Zombie August 1, 2011 at 6:15 AM
    I have heard people say hot as balls before and I always give them the WTF face.. lol.
  3. Kev D. August 1, 2011 at 11:28 AM
    I usually measure the heat by the amount of sweat in my ass crack.
  4. MRanthrope August 1, 2011 at 11:40 AM
    It's stupid hot in my room right now. Shrinkage be damned, a cold shower sounds awesome right now.
  5. LoneIslander August 1, 2011 at 9:31 PM
    It's always cold in my basement. I love it.
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