Traffic Circles

Adding to the list of "reasons why I hate this horrible town" is traffic circles, or roundabouts. No, not ones that aliens leave behind. Unless you count the illegal aliens who the city hires to build them.

I really wouldn't care less if they were at least subtle about them. They built one a while ago on a road I often take. The second I saw it, I thought to myself "I'm going to pop this baby into 4 wheel drive and go right over the top." But then they put huge boulders all around the hill in the middle, probably because some lucky idiot got there before me.

Now with traffic circles inside of other traffic circles.
Now I have to settle with having to downshift and drift around the outside like boring people.  I bet if I had one of those Korean imports instead of my Chevy Blazer (which is back up and running btw) I could totally burn some rubber.

If one roundabout is good, then a second one right down the road must be great, right?  No.  Especially not at a real intersection, where lots of drivers, most of which are bad, go through every day.

Here in California, traffic circles are included in driver's training.  Not that anybody remembers it the second after you peel yourself off the passenger window when the G-forces stop.  Who do I yield to?  How many times do I have to go around?  What is so wrong with a stop sign that makes it completely inferior to this (hint: nothing).
There's no arrow that points outwards!  Where do I go?
Back to the second roundabout the city is building, just down the road from the first one.  Up until now, it has been a 4 way intersection.  So how do you get a circular roadway into an area that started as a square?  Answer: Eminent domain your way in, screwing any people who happen to live on the corners, and lop of the corner of their yard.

The whole thing goes back to a round peg in a square hole.  Back when all the autistic babies were color coding and numbering their building blocks, we were still trying to figure this one out (We were able to talk though.).  Roads are rectangular-ish, cars are too (some more than others.)
I'm looking at you, Scion.
Lots of land are also sold in - get this - quadrilateral formations.  It's like a pizza box- the pizza might be round, but the box isn't, which makes it a bitch to throw it away in the also round trash can.  [If you're poor like me, you might also pay the delivery guy only using coins, which are also round.]

Then comes the matter of what goes in the center.  A nicely decorated, tire inviting hill of expensive landscaping?  I think we already know the answer to that.  How about a big-ass fountain?  A viewing platform to go and see little people driving big cars around in circles for hours and hours?  Maybe just a sign stating how a traffic circle is supposed to work.

One day I just want to take my friends in their cars and just drive around in it.  All the poor law-abiding people will just have to wait their turn to merge into our everlasting circle of fun.  The only thing that could make it funner?  If it was a figure eight, with lanes crossing in the middle.

All in all, I've known that circles were risky business ever since I started playing Minecraft.  But at least I'll be long gone before it even gets finished.

3 Response to "Traffic Circles"

  1. Zombie August 11, 2011 at 6:28 AM
    I hate those stupid circles!! Its just an accident waiting to happen!!
  2. MRanthrope August 11, 2011 at 11:12 AM
    this sounds like nothing but bad news. THankfully I don't think I've ever encountered one of these dreaded Traffic Circles yet. *knocks on wood*
  3. A Beer for the Shower August 12, 2011 at 6:28 AM
    My home town had an intersection that was 'dangerous' because it had no streetlight and was gaining more traffic. Our mayor (and keep in mind this is a small town of maybe 10,000 people) decided it would be a smart idea to put DOUBLE ROUNDABOUTS in this area. It cost the tax payers $1,000,000, and to this day, no one has a clue how to drive through it. I can't count the amount of times I've almost been slammed into while driving through this thing. God, I hate these things.

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