The Touch

There are two kinds of computer users. Ones who use them to make miracles and other lulz or otherwise productive things, and ones who break them the second they come into their possession.

No no no, don't do that!
My parents seem to fall into the second category. Most computers start out perfectly fine and mostly bug free (unless you’re buying a Compaq). Sure, Windows may slow down to a crawl after a while, but if you want it done a lot faster and a lot more efficiently, you can give it to one of these people.

I don't know how things turn from "checking e-mail" to "changing the default color scheme and the screen resolution into something awful" without knowing how they did it.  I didn't know what 'ctrl+x' did for the longest time, but my mom would somehow figure out how to do all that before a Google search even finished.  "It must be a virus."  No, it's not, you're just retarded.  Is what I'd like to say, if I didn't have to worry about getting grounded.
"Ok, what buttons did you press?" "All of them?"

Despite going to some of the sketchiest sites out there (*cough *4chan) and downloading pretty much every form of free or pirated software out there, I have never really had a really bad virus. Yet, my mom somehow seems to get those system dominating ones that won't let you do anything, all from, I don't know, visiting sites from Google search.  It makes me wonder what she actually uses her laptop for.

My dad once broke the power button on his brand new printer (which he even brought in and exchanged because of it.)  I don't even know how that happens.  Hardware problems like that are harder cause, unless you're trying to do random shit with stuff that stay put in the first place.  But I'm pretty sure hardware problems are tons harder to fix...

Is your hard drive running nice and quietly? Do you miss the awful clicking sound of a floppy disk trying to read all 200 megabytes of information stored on it? Well then, all your hard drive needs is a nice smack on the ground to create nice constant clicking and grinding sounds. You can even follow the rhytm with your fapping of the pixilated porn stored on said drive, if you can still read it that is...

3 Response to "The Touch"

  1. Byakuya August 25, 2011 at 12:04 AM
    In a lot of households I visit which includes my own, there is a computer god to which all other residents defer to

    However the duty of god is nothing but a curse, alas you will be bombarded with the stupidest questions all day that include classics along the lines of:

    Firefox isn't the internet, it's a browser

    and such
  2. Lemons Don't Make Lemonade August 25, 2011 at 2:25 AM
    Follow the "when you are watching porn, wash your hands before you touch your keyboard" rule and all will be fine. Your computer won't decide to die on you.
  3. Zombie August 25, 2011 at 6:33 AM
    I hear the best way to fix a major error on your computer is to run an industrial strength magnet over the hard drive.... ;P

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