If you're an antisocial shut-in like me, you might find it hard to make friends, at least one's who aren't named "Stranger."

But don't worry, Mr. Lonely, I'm sure there are people who would want to talk with you.  They might want to also want touch you in inappropriate places, but I guess it's better than nothing.

Of course if you want to make friends who will be with you through thick, thin, and letting you talk to them sometimes maybe when their other cool friends aren't around, then you have to take one of two paths.  However, there just seems to be something wrong with having to suck a guy’s dick in order to stop him from calling you ‘faggot,' so we'll skip to the higher route.

Step One: Be rich. People love rich kids. If you are rich, you can drive fancy cars so you can pick up chicks and then bang them in it later. Parent’s aren’t lawyers/doctors/astronauts? Well then, the least you can do for yourself is steal some fancy clothes to make yourself look good.

Step Two: Network.  Social network.  Get on MySpace (Facebook is for social whores who want to give out their friend invitations to anyone who wants it.  Don't fall for it.)  Make yourself sound interesting, rich, or hot.  Not hot? Then follow the next step.

Step Three:  Photoshop is your friend.  Give yourself some fancy 6 pack abs for your profile pic.  Take a pic of a popular guy surrounded by girls and paste your head on it.  'Accidentally' get a picture of your 10 inch penis spread across the internet. 
Step Four: Join in with your prospective friends and make fun of other people.  They were your friends at one point before you got addicted to World of Warcraft?  Nah, they didn't support your 18 hour a day gold farming business (which was fairly successful, to be honest, minus the sleep deprivation and dropping out of class.)  You don't need them anymore.  Your display of lack of morale standards will definitely make people like you.

Step Five:  If all else fails, go out and get to people yourself.  Go to every party, and bring beer, but don't drink any.  Do whatever, bang any chicks, secretly pee on those douches who passed out.  Can't dance?  Can't even talk to girls?  Don't worry, with everyone equipped with beer goggles, you will be the sober life of the party, and nobody will even remember it in the morning.  They might remember faintly of something totally killer happening the night before though, just tell them that was all you.  If they don't, well then just remember the one night you actually had a life...