As my little homage to Mothers day, I'm trolling my mom.  Remember, no one is safe.  My mom says a lot of stuff that doesn't make sense.  This usually involves the controlling of my life, even though I'm 20 (can't wait to move out).

"They say you shouldn't do [insert destructive behavior here] ."
    -My mom.

Who is this 'they'?  Did you consult some board of experts to come up with this conclusion?  Is there some strange force out there that governs what is good or bad for us to do?  It helps if they actually have a face instead of being some sort of faceless entity.

'They' in person.

If they had a name, I would probably be more inclined to listen to them [unless that name is Jesus].  Like Smokey the Bear.  I remember him as a kid.   No way in hell I was going to play with matches and burn my whole family in the middle of the night.  But these 'they' people, they don't have any power over me.


They say I shouldn't do a lot of shit.  I do it anyways.  My mom could think up at least 10 things that 'they' say cause cancer.  Here's a protip: everything causes cancer.  Especially sunlight, with those UV rays and shit.  That's why I stay in my cave most of the time to avoid it.  Another big one is diet soda.  How are you supposed to build up a resistance to carcenogenic sweeteners if you don't consume it?  Cockroaches don't live through nuclear disasters by eating veggies, you know...