How to Attack the Ground with Your Face (And Win)

[Note: this is best attempted with the ground being made of snow.]

They say that to fly you have to jump at the ground and miss. Well we're not trying to fly here, are we? This is a classic example of "learning the hard way." Learning what, you say? Snowboarding.

Anyone can strap their feet to something and flail around, but it takes special conditions in order to not look like an idiot. Or get seriously injured. Snowboarding is fun that way, but you can still have both, probably at the same time. But like a facepalm, you've got to do it hard, or else it won't work.

And that's how you win.  As long as you're not dead, you can pick yourself up again and do it better next time.   Or go and cry about it, you little bitch.

On the other hand, attacking the ground with your butt isn't so great.  You tend to do this a lot while learning snowboard.  Your butt will be sore.  On a scale of 1 to 'surprise anal butt-sex', it would probably be closer to the last one.   The feeling of snow rushing up your backside is also similar to that of a cold prison shower, with conveniently placed soap.  Not that I've ever been to prison...

1 Response to "How to Attack the Ground with Your Face (And Win)"

  1. Mr Bouchard April 3, 2011 at 3:24 PM
    I bet my entire body remember my first snowboarding season!

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