Troll Bible

To be honest, I really don’t know what happens after Genesis- I assume that’s when the brain washing starts, but that makes for bad writing. From here on, I’ll just make up my own story for the most part, and add any names that ring a bell.

Setting: Egypt.

The desert is hot. The Pharaoh's balls became sweaty, and this pissed him off so he enslaved the lesser people, those who did not wish to partake in the porky goodness that is bacon, aka, the Jewish people. (I say Jew'ish' because there wasn't that much distinction between religions back then.) Anyways, he make them the slaves to help build pyramids and stuff.

Their leader, Moses, was a pretty cool guy, and he didn't afraid of the Pharaoh. He called upon God to make the skies rain snakes and beetles and stuff, and this freaked the Pharaoh out, and he was all like "Gtfo, we don't need yo snake rain. I didn't want a Pyramid anyways." And so Moses and his people left, but just as they were about to leave, the Pharaoh was all like "jk lol" and tried to push them into the Red Sea, but little did they know that Moses was also a waterbender, and he totally parted that shit. Then all the Egyptians drowned.

On the other side of the Red Sea was desert. No, not dessert. Anyways, there was lots of desert. They didn't have a GPS or anything, so they pretty much walked around in the desert for a long ass time. Along the way, they found a mountain, and Moses climbed it for the hell of it. There, God was all like "Here, take these, these are some rules I want you to follow." And even though the rules were BS like "no killing each other" they went along with it.

So after a long while of not taking directions from their women, they finally reached the promised land. And then they started drilling for oil, the end.

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