Troll Bible

I'm not really religious, so I haven't read much of the Bible.  I like fiction and all, but the whole "god" think really gets me.  But it got me thinking; I could probably write it much better and have it be more interesting.  So I did.

Chapter 1: Neon Genesis

Once upon a time, there was this guy named God.  He liked Minecraft a lot, so he made the Earth.  But it was empty, so he made a mod to add people and animals.  The first guy he made was called Adam.  But Adam was forever alone, naked out in the garden of Eden with nothing but animals. 

Before being forced to turn to bestiality, God decided to make him a mate.  He took one of Adams ribs and made a creature called "woman."  Adam was all like "I got that bitch a rib.  Bitches love ribs."  But even having a piece of Adam's body was not enough for this woman named Eve.  She decided to redecorate the garden, and make Adam wear some clothes, as well as make him eat right, with plenty of fruits and vegetables (including apples, which got them kicked out, stupid bitch.)

Being kicked out of the Garden, they had nothing really to do but have sex and make babies.  Over 400 babies.  One of them killed another one, but they still had a lot.  Somehow they continued reproducing without incest- they lived a long time back then, they could have had time to learn how to clone or human transmutate via rib bones or something.  Fun fact: back then, everyone had 54 ribs each.  But after many generations of remaking people they ended up with much less.  (If only they had gone on a little bit longer self fellation could be possible for more people.)  Did I say they had sex?  No no, there's no sex in the Bible, that's a sin. 

1 Response to "Troll Bible"

  1. A Beer for the Shower June 18, 2011 at 11:23 AM
    You forgot to mention that Adam was white. There's no way you're gonna take a rib from a black man.

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