Ohm Nom Nom

Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins.  Luckily I know I'm already going to hell, so I can indulge.

Food is a love/hate relationship.  I love food, but I hate the feeling that you get after you eat so much food that you feel like you're going to burst.  But god invented fingers not only to help you shove things into your mouth, but to shove down your throat to purge yourself (granted you're not some full-time whore or sword swallower with no gag reflex.)

Or both.  Lucky sword.
Sometimes when you're cooking for yourself, such as I, a poor college student no longer living with my mom who makes me eat veggies, do, you tend to lose sight of what really matters, like nutrition.  This may just be the addictive nature of the MSG talking, but Ramen is really great.  The combination of noodles, with a bunch of salt which makes you retain all of the water that you boiled said noodles in, really fills you up.  At least until someone makes, say, a cake.

When there is nobody around to say why you can't have something extraneous and horrible for your health, such as cake (or anything for that matter) you really can't make up a reason to keep it away from yourself.  There's enough reasons to overeat, such as every holiday- you just get to pig out on something different.  Do you want cavities and an expensive dentist bill, while at the same time running around past your bedtime dressed like a retard?  That's called Halloween.  How about a table covered in every type of food imaginable, complete with a  giant dead bird stuffed with even more food?  Thanksgivings- why yes, thank you.  Even mundane outings and even random days off give reasons.  Going to Costco?  Don't mind me, just passing by for a third sample.  About to go flying on a plane?  Oh look, they only have this store here in the terminal, and nowhere else- and I have a three hour flight in which I can slowly indulge myself.
Can also be used as a flotation device.

You know those people who can't help but think about food even while they're not eating.  As Americans, we already have ways to cope with this.  It's called the Food Network, or the 24 hour fap to food porn channel, where all your dreams of being able to cook and eat all you want will come true.  That, or you can cry to yourself about your overweigtness while you sit on your couch like a beached whale, wishing someone would come put food in your mouth.

Which we have by the way.  It's called delivery.  Sadly, it's not directly into your mouth.  I like to pretend I'm getting exercise that way though; especially if you are eating Chinese food with chopsticks.  Then I can also pretend that they're like knitting needles and I knit my chow mein into a nice warm quilt.  A warm, greasy, quilt.

0 Response to "Ohm Nom Nom"

Post a Comment