Christmas Sucks

Well, it's that time of the year again, and Christmas has come and gone.  I bet you enjoyed getting some nice pairs of socks from aunt Bertha, right?  Probably. But what about the rest of the holidays?  Did you enjoy those too?  Nope, cause Christmas sucks.

Now don't start lookin' at me saying, "Ah, look at this humbug."  You know Christmas is the worst time of the year.  Don't get me wrong, I love getting presents and stuff.  You probably thought I was just some spoiled kid or something. Well,that's not the point of Christmas is it, you fat money slave?  Christmas is about food, family, and joy to the world.  That's what I hate.

Let's roll back about three weeks (or three posts, if you actually still read this blog.) Winter holiday number one, Thanksgiving.  Take the overwhelming feeling of being stuffed to the brim with dry turkey and mashed potatoes, then copy and paste that to December.  There's Christmas dinner, as well as dinner for the next week or two, depending on how many people stay at your place to mooch for their entire vacations.  What is the point of such a huge meal twice a year?  Oh ya, America (do I really have to go any further?).  Does anybody actually like turkey?  Or is it just that we are so stuck on the idea that we need to kill a bunch of ugly birds and feast upon their tasteless flesh because that's what our ancestors did? 

Something about that unnaturally colored dangly thing makes me want to eat it.
I don't know, but I'm sure none of them had access to a deep fryer, which is the only way that would make a whole turkey taste good.  You can make anything delicious with plenty of fat.

While trying to keep your lardy eyelids open while under the effects of all that tryptophan, you're then forced to open presents.  Free stuff, cool, cool.  But Santa didn't magically make this and shit it out under your tree (sorry kids).  Someone had to wade through crowds of people, punching multiple solar-plexi trying to get you this gift.  This is proof of their love for you.  If they got you something like socks or a sweater, you are nothing to them. 

Don't even mention the fact that you have to go to church.  Luckily, Christmas fell on a Sunday this year, so we only had to go once, if at all.  So what if it's Christ's birthday.  The only place people go to on my birthday is the Red Robin.  If anything we should be going to a manger or barn or something to celebrate.  We don't go back over to Spain and enslave the natives there on Columbus's birthday, do we?

At least the decade old Christmas songs that have been playing on every radio station for the past three weeks have stopped.  Now we can look forward to the stores putting out all the Easter candy within the week!

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